The Queen of New Orleans

Chapter 29

About an hour later, they still sat there like that. Landon in silence staring at nothing while Hope leaned on him. Hope let him think, she didn't want to bother him and she didn't want to lose his closeness so she was silent and motionless lost in her own thoughts, mostly about Landon. She was sure he won't forgive her ever and he'll never even try to understand her. He would've said something... she would've seen it in his eyes, but there was nothing. She didn't allow herself to cry about Landon anymore so she didn't. She knew she'll never love anyone else ever and she couldn't possibly move on, but she told him everything she wanted so she had to let him go, truly let him go this time. No last kiss, no last sex. It had to be final. Then why can't she just move away from him and let him go right now? As she was thinking, Landon moved. He stretched and stood up. Hope just stared at him.

Landon just grabbed the tray on the bedside table with the untouched food on it and took it away in silence. Hope was sure, that was it. He didn't want anything to do with her. He just left her alone without a word. She laid down on her bed trying her hardest not to shed another tear but as time went by and she laid there alone she couldn't hold it anymore and broke all over again. He doesn't deserve another drop of tear so shut up! She scolded herself. Then she thought of her lost babies and let herself cry. Couple hours passed since Landon left her alone in her room. She wanted to fall asleep again but she couldn't. She didn't do anything else in the past few days and she just couldn't sleep anymore. She just laid there quietly crying to herself.

Two hours later Landon entered the room with another trey with fresh food and tea on it.

"You should really eat something." He said in a soft voice.

"I'm perfectly fine without food." She mumbled against her pillow. She didn't want to talk to him, she was mad at him.

"I know you are, but I also know you have more energy and you feel much better when you have some in your system, so please." Then Landon grabbed a plate with a sandwich on it and held it up to Hope's way. She sat up and took the plate like an obedient child and took a bite of the food. She actually missed the taste and ate the whole thing in minutes. "You were hungry I see." He smiled then gave her the cup of tea. Hope saw the hesitation on him but he finally took a seat next to her. Hope sipped on the tea. She wished she knew what he was thinking. Hope knew he was only nice to her because of her recent trauma. He only came back to her room because of it. He wouldn't stick around otherwise and he clearly didn't care about her story.

"I'm sorry I left like that." He said with regret looking deep into her eyes.

"Why did you leave?" She placed the cup on her nightstand, then before he could reply she continued. "You have no idea how I feel even now, after I told you I don't ever want to be alone again. Especially after what happened. Do you know how alone and helpless I was while I was struggling to give birth to your babies?" She yelled and hit his arm in frustration. "You don't care about me. You don't give a crap about me!" She cried again. "You hurt me constantly and I can't... I just can't... You know, you should just leave now. You don't need to stay here because you feel sorry for me. I don't need your pity. Just go and fucking move on!" She yelled sobbing.

"Hope please! I care, I do care about you a lot. I'm sorry I left, I really am. Please stop crying." He said and grabbed Hope's hand to hold but she pulled it away from him. "Hope, I'm sorry, I don't want to hurt you, I never wanted to hurt you. I needed to think everything over. I should've said something and not leave you like that. I'm such an idiot Hope."

"So what...what were you thinking about?" She asked still sobbing.

"I told you once I could never be happy with you... well the truth is I could never be happy without you... and I don't know what to do." He said desperately.