the neighborHood blues

/10/cheer up, buttercup

A three minute news segment was all it took for my world to be turned upside down again. After non-stop phone calls and text messages that night, there was an almost endless stream of people at our door the next day. People brought flowers, chocolates, pans of food and desserts, and all types of other little gifts. The influx of pity was overwhelming. I hated it, and didn't want anyone feeling bad for me.

My phone had been shut off, and I kept my bedroom window closed. I never wanted this amount of attention, especially concerning this case. It all happened without warning; how could I have prepared for the entire city to witness my shame? All those people who came to my house didn't care about my well-being. They wanted to hear details, not check on me. Momma had started telling people we couldn't disclose anything to anyone due to the case still being open, then flat out telling them to mind their damn business.

Pops was getting good at slamming the door in people faces. The sound happened so often, a sort of rhythm was starting to form. I kept my headphones in, trying to drown everything out with music from my laptop. The sun was still shining through the blinds of my window, and I stared the scattered beams of light on my floor. Despite how bright they were, nothing was breaking through the dark cloud in my head. I felt less like myself now than I had before, and I thought I was starting to move on.

"Wen, can I come in," Pops asked, a pause in my music allowing me to hear him.

"What's up, Pops," I said, taking out one of my headphones.

He pushed the door open to my room, coming in and sitting on the end of the bed. I angled my body toward him, tucking my foot beneath my body while the other leg hung over the side. Pops tucked his hands between his knees, letting his shoulders roll forward.

"There isn't much I can say, but I want you to know, I love you and want to do everything I can to protect you. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you..."

Leaning forward, I rubbed the back of his shoulder a little. "I'll never understand the struggles of a parent, but I really appreciate you and Momma."

Pops jerked back as his face scrunched in confusion, and I returned the look as he spoke. "Girl, whatchu mean never? I want grandkids!"

"Aht, see you always playin. I be tryna be serious, you be doin too much."

"Who you talkin to, Wen? You ain't too grown to getcha ass whooped now."

"Wack."

"Exactly what I'mma do to you."

We stared at each other for a moment before we both laughed, then Pops stood up from the bed. He came around to the side, hugging me against his side and ruffling my hair. I groaned as I pulled away from him, and he told me he loves me as he left the room. Twisting my headphone between my fingers, I counted down from thirty and watched my door. When I got down to one, the door knob twisted open and Momma came in. She smiled at me, sitting in the same spot Pops had sat.

She was silent as she looked at me, which made me shift my body  away from her. I knew what she was doing, but it didn't make me any less uncomfortable. This was her way of assessing my state of being, and she was never wrong. Mother's Intuition was a hell of a thing.

"You want some wine," she asked, and I widened my eyes at her.

"Momma, what?!"

Momma shrugged her shoulders, then clasped her hands together in her lap as she looked at me. It felt odd that she was offering me a drink, but I wasn't a kid anymore. A smile made its way onto my lips, and I wiggled my hips in excitement as I said, yes. Pulling a twenty dollar bill from her bra, Momma handed me the money and told me to go get it. I couldn't stop myself from smacking my lips at her, and she fixed me with a sharp glare as she stood up. The smile returned to my face, teeth showing and all as she left the room.