Concordia: Dreamnoblade Oneshots and Songfics

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Dream is no fool, really. He isn't sure when it started, but he knows Techno doesn't love him anymore.

It would be more surprising if he didn't notice it. In hindsight, it really is glaringly obvious especially to someone as observant as him. It only got worse when he finally figured out what was going on, when every little sign had been painted over with the scarlets of danger in a way that was impossible to ignore. It feels like a match had lit ages ago and he only remembered it when all that was left of everything were a bunch of ashes crumbling in his palms. It feels like something he's always known deep down, like a truth that's had time to simmer in the back of his mind until it was too late to realize that he's already burning. He's quite possibly the first and only person to know of this, though with how things are going, other people will eventually catch on if Techno isn't careful.

Ah, it's really troublesome

A world of warped reality

And he's fine with it. Dream doesn't particularly care about who Techno has in his heart, so long as it doesn't affect their relationship at all. Or, rather, the remnants of it at the very least. Whatever it is between them, whether it be infatuation or lust or attachment, so long as it isn't severed then everything will be okay eventually. This isn't him in denial or petulant refusal, it's just how he is. Some might say otherwise, might accuse him of hiding his feelings and bottling up his jealousy and despair, but he thinks he knows himself much better than anyone else ever will. He thinks he understands his own wants and needs much better than anyone else ever will, especially when they're so unorthodox in the first place. He's perfectly fine with his place in Techno's life, with the comfort of physical affection and the throes of carnal ecstasy even when they lie of love and passion. He's perfectly fine with how Techno isn't his, with how he looks faraway into the distance like he's longing for something, for someone else.

With my slender finger on your large back

You don't have to become mine

It doesn't change anything, or at least that's what Dream tells himself. Techno's callused hand is still in his, though he squeezes just a little more as if to pretend that Dream's fingers are less slender and small. Techno's gaze is still fixated on him, though he glances away every so often as if to look for someone that isn't there. Techno's sentiments are still as sweet as ever, though he words them vague and ambiguous as if to address someone that isn't Dream. There is some change, slow and gradual and borderline imperceptible but it's still very much there. The bridge between them is slowly deteriorating, the wood slowly decaying and the ropes turning to dust. It's something inevitable, something sure to come sooner or later. Even then, Dream doesn't mind at all. Not anymore, at least.

Lust? Envy? That can't be right

I won't be like that child

He doesn't know if he loves Techno too much or not enough for him to be so indifferent to this turn of events. Perhaps he has an attachment and he's not ready to let go yet, or he's never had one in the first place and that's why he isn't fazed when the string between them is on the verge of snapping. Maybe his heart is too fond for Techno and that's why he's deluding himself into thinking this is alright, or it was never with him in the first place so he doesn't feel anything when he inevitably leaves. There's a possibility that intangible things just don't hold as much weight to him as the tangible ones do, and that's why he doesn't care as long as the physical parts of their relationship are still there. He doesn't know where he stands when it comes to this, he only really knows that he doesn't entirely care what the ending is.

I understand those types of things

So don't look at me like that!

Dream supposes he's been like this from the beginning. His emotions have always been muted, just barely there to remind him that he isn't some unfeeling monster. He doesn't form bonds or friendships the same way everyone else does, and he can't say that he loves people beyond lip service for the sake of normalcy. If he had the courage to admit it out loud, he would say that he only really dated Techno in the first place because he's a decent person and he doesn't think anything bad could come out of it. In a way, he was right in his decision. Techno had been nothing but kind to him, and the physical affection was always comforting to him anyway. Their time together had never been too strained or unhealthy, and in a way they both helped each other grow to be better people. He would even say that Techno had found his way into his heart one way or another, if simply as someone to protect and take care of. It may be nowhere near the concept of romantic love that people seem to be so intrigued with, but it was definitely some kind of fondness.

Well, he can't exactly call Techno out for not loving him anymore when he himself is not entirely sure if he's loved him in the first place.

I don't need anything like love, I can't stand it

Keep untying it as much as you need to

So when Techno pulls Dream into his lap that night, he doesn't say a word. When Techno's hot breath against Dream's ear reeks of sweet nothings and the telltale aroma of alcohol, he simply listens. When Techno stumbles on his words drunkenly and ends up spilling compliments that don't even apply to him, he smiles and thanks him as if they're nothing different. When Techno's hands on Dream's waist ends up a little too high and he has to correct his grip, he squirms a little to help him. He's fine with this, he tells himself.

Close your eyes and stop your breath

Even if it's someone else's dream, keep dreaming it

So when Techno cups Dream's cheek and speaks of the beautiful amber eyes that he knows he doesn't have, he doesn't say a word. When Techno runs his fingers through Dream's flaxen hair and calls them a wonderful shade of dark brown, he just leans into the touch. When Techno pulls Dream close and kisses gently at the freckles on his cheeks thinking they're part of a long scar he's never gotten, he just giggles breathlessly and lets him. When Techno closes the distance between them and nips at Dream's lips expecting them to be plumper than they actually are, he just whines and lets himself be pushed down onto the soft mattress. This is all that he needs, he says to himself.

Go ahead and dwell on your loneliness

You've turned away but I won't blame you

So when Techno whispers a name that isn't Dream's against his lips, he doesn't say a word. He just closes his eyes and wraps his arms around his lover and lets himself play pretend as well.

Touch me more, fool me completely

Never wake up from this dream again, okay?