Dies for Day (diarium)

Cancer

April 19, 2021

Sometimes I wonder, What on earth am I here for?

Am I born to experience pain and suffering? Do my parents love me or I am just an accidental person? If I were going to encounter all of the predicaments and hardships in my life, then what is the purpose of my life?

During my early childhood, there was numerous deep-felt situation in which I questioned the reason of living in this world. Waking up in the morning, eating meals thrice a day, taking a bath, and so on - they become my daily routine.

But not all people are lucky to have fine status in life. Some are investing their persistence despite their difficulty to achieve success or on behalf of survival.

I too experienced different battles that had brought impact to my life. One of the most grievous circumstances that happened from the previous year was the loss of my beloved brother. We were so close like best friends. He was always caring to me, woke me up in the morning to be early in the class, cooked me breakfast, and so much more. He was worried about me, he treated me more than a sister could ever wish for. His life inspired me to strive harder for my future and for my family. I know we will meet again someday at God's perfect timing. His physical body was gone apparent in this world but our memories stay forever in my heart.

On the 14th day of April this year, when I was holding my phone, I suddenly saw the long message of a person sharing his one-year anniversary. I know him because he is an attendee of our church virtually online. And this had caught my attention:

A year ago, this AML came into my life unexpectedly (it is an aggressive type of cancer of the blood that is also called Acute Myelogenous Leukemia). Everyone was shocked, except for me, I was amazed instead. A year battling cancer is a rollercoaster ride. The ups and downs are literally extreme and there is nothing you can do but endure. After a year of medication, those blasts are progressing at their finest. And suddenly I felt that my body is slowly deteriorating. Should I be complaining now? After all the pain, hardships, and days of darkness. The answer is, I do not care about that C (Cancer) word, but I am pretty much interested in this other C (Christ) that helped me get through all those disasters that happened. Today is my anniversary as a cancer patient. Should I celebrate? I guess so... I am still alive and fighting! And of course, today is the day, that My Lord, My love, My father, My Savior, My best friend Jesus Christ saved my life. I know you already know my story, some of you might be watching and listening to my testimonies. I am taking this as an opportunity to show my unending gratitude to all the people who first, PRAYED, sent financial assistance, sent food, and sent their love and care for me. I cannot believe and express how thankful I am that I am loved by amazing people, beautiful people like you. You already know who you are. I just want to leave a message for everyone who is still with me on this journey. Whatever uncertainties that we face today, there is one thing certain in this world. We have Our Lord Jesus Christ and his promises, his love, and his plans never fail. Trusting Him is the best decision I have ever made. Right now, Cancer is already at 87% and it keeps getting stronger... The good news is my faith too. And my faith belongs to my Father. The author and finisher of my faith. Thank you everyone and may the presence of the Lord be upon you always. Yes, you! The one who finished this long drama message HAHAHA! Let us always remember God's sovereignty, let His will be done. And his name may be Glorified forever.

There are so many problems I think every day that made me worried but this guy who has severe cancer is doubtless than I am. Minor things are concerning me yet this man never felt anxious about what he is going through, the major thing, and still celebrating. Because of his strong faith, the only certainty in this world is God's promises. Truly, his faith is bigger than mine.

I admired him for his strong faith and huge heart, so big that will obey what the Lord our God planned for him. His testimonies are an inspiration to many people who lose their hope for continuing to overcome different battles in life.

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters.

- Psalms 23:1‭-‬2