poetry

Baby Blues

Fear Of Children Inheriting Depression And Anxiety

I struggle with Depression and Anxiety, and I have this fear that I will pass the gene to my children because it runs in my family. I love kids and I do want to have some one day, but this is the only thing that would hold me back. This poem is about deciding whether I'm going to take the chance or save them from any possible hurt. I wouldn't want them to go through this, but I also wouldn't want to deprive a child of a life.

Baby Blues

© Vanessa Sithadweyinkosi.N
More by Vanessa Sithadweyinkosi N
Published:April 2021

No words can describe what I feel when I look at you.
The glory of your smile brings light to this place.
So simple yet so impossible to understand.
Every move you make is taken in with grace.

How could someone not want you in their life?
Like you were sent from a movie scene.
How could they just throw it all away,
Not thinking of what that could mean?

Your eyes capture mine in a second to spare.
I absorb your innocence that is ever so new.
I get lost in your soul so freely unveiled
As you gaze at me with your baby blues.

An unsettling feeling resides in my head,
One that I've been trying to forget.
A little version of myself walking around;
I guess I haven't gotten used to that yet.

I'm afraid you'll turn into me one day in the future. 
That's a risk I can't afford to gamble on.
I want you to have a fair chance from the start.
I wish for you to paint a picture not already drawn.

But then I think about the love I'd share,
The good, the bad, and everything between.
I would show you this life's possibilities.
Maybe it could be different if I hadn't seen...

Your baby blues staring back to me,
Making my choice appear to be clear.
But that feeling still shakes my bones.
The only time it stops is when I hold you near.

Questions bounce back and forth in my brain.
Do you deserve this life or are the stakes too high?
Consequently my fear could turn into reality,
But who would I be if I could never even try?

I just have to look in those baby blues
And all my worries will fade into the night.
You have all the answers in your heart.
I'm trusting you that it's gonna be all right.

It's something to be cherished:
The joy you bring to this world everyday.
Run my fingers through your thin hair.
Listen closely so you can hear me say,

"Baby blue eyes,
You light up the skies.
I don't think you realize,
But you are everything and anything."

Another option I would choose
If it weren't for your baby blues.