poetry

If I Could Go Back

If I Could Go Back

Vanessa Sithadweyinkosi

For every time that I broke down
There was a fake smile to cover the frown
I hid behind lies when things got tough 
Forced myself to think it was enough 
My tears were masked by the rain
Unseen by all, alone with my pain
Each night was a cover to hide my cries 
To keep from showing all these lies
If I could go back, I'd change it all
Stop myself from starting to fall
Consumed by hatred, I lost all sight
I knew what was wrong but it felt so right
I couldn't live without the pain
Or the anger pulsing through my vein
Each truth a lie I learned to hold 
While watching each one start to unfold
If I could go back, all that would change
These diamond lies wouldn't seem so strange 
I'd undo my lies and make them true 
Hold on tightly to all that I do
Forget the bad, and think of only each day
And what's to come, without dismay
I'd forget that I cried those tears 
Remember only every one of my fears
I'd try to be everything that I lost
Before I fell, remember the cost 
Hope for the best, and try to be
All that died when I lost me
I'd turn back time to redo all this
And relive the life I almost missed 
Only if I could turn it back
I'd find everything that I started to lack 
No longer would fake smiles appear 
They'd be true with nothing to fear 
It'd be as though it was a dream 
That came one night to make it seem 
As though this was really true 
But now there's only one thing I must do
Go back in time and erase this pain
Wash it away on rivers of rain
All this could happen if I went back
And once again in my life, I'd be on the right track.