Such Sweet Sorrow

One

Eloise Waldorf

I never thought I would be returning to Hogwarts. It's not that I didn't want to, I just thought the opportunity would never present itself again after what happened during the war.

It had been a little under 6 months since the battle at Hogwarts, and the once glorious, magical safe haven that was that school, was left in shambles.

Entire chunks of the building combusted from the inside out, throwing rocks and boulders miles beyond the grounds. Unstoppable fires raged and destroyed an even greater part of the amazing architecture and history that lied with in the walls of Hogwarts.

The blood of my friends and strangers alike stains the walls. I still can't get the images out of my head of people I once knew, shared memories with, and even loved, dead on the cold ground of the great hall.

I shouldn't have survived. There were so many people that should have lived instead of me. Of all people, why did I survive?

Lavender Brown should have lived. Collin Creevey should have lived. Remus Lupin should have lived. Nymphadora Tonks should have lived. Fred Weasley should have lived.

But they didn't.

Survivors guilt is what the healers call it. There is guilt in my heart and on my conscious because I survived and they didn't.

Yeah, I fought. Yeah, I helped. But those who died had so much more ahead of them in this life.

Lavender would have been such an amazing mother and wife to a husband that truly cherished all of the love and affection she had to offer.

Collin Creevey would have been a star reporter for the Daily Prophet. I'm sure of it. He had a natural, spunky charm to him that was hard to ignore.

Remus Lupin and Tonks had just had a baby together. Teddy. After knowing and fighting alongside the both of them for the year prior to their death, I knew they would make amazing parents. They had this aura of pure love and happiness around them that I know their son will surely inherit as he grows up.

Fred Weasley would have created a practical joker empire along with his brother George. I knew he was hurting the most after the loss of Fred. I heard that he is keeping the joke shop, because Fred would have wanted nothing more than that, but I knew. I knew George would never be the same after losing his other half.

Heartbreak still laid fresh in my chest as I held the iconic red stamp sealed envelope. My Hogwarts letter. Never thought I'd see one of these again.

I turned it around in my hands and ran my fingers carefully over the blood red wax. If I didn't open it, more would come, so there wasn't any way of ignoring it. I had to open the letter and brace myself for the opening up of old wounds.

Dear Ms. Eloise Waldorf,

You have been selected to attend Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry on September 1st, under head mistress Minerva McGonagall, for your "seventh" year.

We all have suffered great loss amongst great triumph following the events of the Second Wizarding War. The Ministry of Magic insists that now we must focus on the education of young witches and wizards everywhere, in order to honor, protect, and remember our fallen heroes.

Education is of the utmost importance at this current time, and serves as the foundation for our reconstruction. Many new programs and institutions are being implemented by Professor McGonagall to ensure that the integrity of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry is maintained and displayed in a way in which true values are shown.

With this, you have been selected by the Headmistress herself to be a part of the Student Leadership Council, a new program being implemented in order to create a heathier student environment. This council will be composed of 4 students from every year from each house that have shown to be of extraordinary talent in concerns to leadership, responsibility, knowledge, empathy, and wizarding capabilities. If you are to accept this position, more information will be given upon your arrival to the castle.

I stopped reading, as the rest was the same as it usually was.

Student Leadership Council? They must have the wrong person. There was no way I was being offered this spot.

I mean, it was exciting to think about, but there was no way that I showed extraordinary marks in any of those fields. I believed myself to be incredibly average, at best. In my head, I'm picturing someone like Hermione or Harry in one of these positions, not me.

This made my decision harder. Did I really want to go back? In order to have any job worth its work, I would have to pass my N.E.W.T.S, and the only way to do that was to go back and take them. I also couldn't help but miss seeing my friends every day. Not just my Ravenclaw friends, but all of them.

"Hey! Ellie, did you get your letter too? Mine just came in through the chimney." My little 2nd, now 3rd, year brother, Jackson, came busting in my room with his unopened letter.

"Yeah, just opened it." I held up the letter solemnly.

He looked so excited. I knew he would go back if he had the chance. He didn't see the wreckage. He didn't see the bodies. He didn't see the kids his age being targeted, attacked, and killed with no remorse.

I saw him in every single one of them. That's what kept me up at night. All I could do was sit there and replay what happened in my head, and think, what if it were Jackson taking his last breaths on the floor of an empty corridor. What if it were Jackson that was feasted upon by werewolves right in front of my eyes. What if it were Jackson?

I don't think I could have lived with myself if something were to happen to him. That's why I sent him away at the first sight of trouble. My parents begged me to come home with him, but I refused. I couldn't do that to my friends. I couldn't leave them when I knew it wasn't just Harry we were fighting for, but the entire wizarding world. I was protecting them, and I was willing to die doing it.

Sometimes I regretted not staying with my family. Protecting them. Being with them. Maybe if I had stayed, I could have helped my father.

I shuddered at the thought.

Don't think about it, Eloise. It's not your fault.

"We are going back right?" He questioned, wide-eyed and cheery. I put on a half-assed smile and dropped the sad attitude.

"Of course. Have mum get the parchment ready and we'll send back before dinner, alright?" I replied warmly. He shook a fist in celebration above his head and dashed back down the stairs, yelling for my mum to get the ink out.

Looks like I was going back to Hogwarts.