Such Sweet Sorrow

Sixteen

Eloise Waldorf

He came out of his room more, but he still avoided me every chance he got. Theodore started to catch on as well, and came up with a whole slew of possible reasons why. 

"Did you call him stupid? He hates that." Theo asked. 

I shook my head. 

"He call you stupid?" 

"No." 

"Oh god, please tell me you two did not shag..." Theo groaned. 

"Hell no." I replied, shaking my head and looking at him like he was out of his mind. 

"Just checking, just checking." Theo put his hands up in defense, "That would be awkward as fuck. Please don't shag him. I will be put in an awful position if that happens." 

"I have no interest, and he won't even come within 10 feet of me, so you've got nothing to worry about." 

Theo nodded and gave me a thumbs up. 

"You going to watch good ole Ceddy boy play tonight?" Theo asked, nudging my arm with his elbow, "By the way, how have you two been? Haven't heard anything since you snagged him in the middle of the Slytherin common room...which I am still bitter about, fyi." 

Cedric and I had hung out a few times since the moment in the common room, but my mind has been quite the black hole lately, so I didn't find myself being around others for more than a few hours a day, before I found myself retreating to my dorm again, in the seclusion of my own room, where I didn't have to worry about putting on a face, or how other's may do something to trigger my anxiety. 

In my room it was calm. In my room it was just me. I had no one to impress. I had no one to worry about. I could control the environment around me. Nothing made me anxious in here in my little bubble, and I was content with that. 

The times we did hang out usually involved sitting around either one of our common rooms and chatting for a bit, until he had to go to practice, or I could feel myself growing overwhelmed, in need of retreat. 

We had kissed a few more times as well. Just quick little pecks. A kiss goodbye. A kiss hello. A kiss on the cheek as he put his arm over my shoulder. We hadn't done more than that, and I was completely okay with that. I didn't want to move fast, as I didn't want to overwhelm my brain with anything more that may worry me. 

Being around Cedric was nice though. He was a nice distraction that worked well enough to dull my worries for a little while. He insisted that I wear his jersey again, and I saw no reason not to do. 

Cedric had always been my little school girl crush, and we had grown closer since the end of the war. It would be ridiculous not to pursue something with him given all the years of ogling, right? Cedric is comfortable. Cedric is safe. Cedric is...well he's Cedric. He's a nice boy, and that's what I need right now. 

Nice. Safe. Comfortable. 

Cedric. 

----------

"You ready, Theo? We're supposed to meet everyone at the bridge in a few minutes." I called over to the other side of the dorm for Theo as I fixed my hat on my head. 

"Stupid gloves..." Theo grumbled as he, yet again, struggled to get his hands in his gloves correctly. 

I chuckled a bit and shook my head. 

"Oh god..." Theo cringed, "No offense, Ellie, but that sweater hurts my eyeballs." he shielded his eyes as if he were offended by the colors I was wearing.