Alive (Bucky Barnes/Winter Soldier x Reader Oneshot)

Better to be alive and well (Bucky Barnes/Winter Soldier Oneshot)

A/N I got inspired to do this after reading a few articles on soldiers in the army, and peoole with self esteem issues. so i was like eh? Maybe I could somehow relate this to Bucky Barnes. :D. im guessing this story probably made no sense to you, but I'm trying to get the point across, just see the note at the bottom for the short summary.

BTW The reader doesn't know about Bucky having a metal arm just so you know, because he always covers them with gloves and long sleeved outfits XD

Enjoy.

***

The evening rays of sun streamed through the window. You were in a small hall, sat on wheelchair next to a seat in front of a glossy black grand piano. This was the only place in the Stark Tower where you could feel calm, but now it could never be. It had been a week since the incident. What you thought was a simple mission, had gone down hill. During your recent mission to infiltrate a Hydra base, a bomb had exploded near you. Initially you thought you were going to die, but instead it had cost you your hands, forearms and the limbs below your knees. The shrapnel and the heat from the blast had left a slight burn and scar across your left cheek. if made yoy feel ugly and grotesque. In your view no one would want to see such a sight. The traumatic memories had left you with shell shock. It brought tears that had started to form in your eyes, when you started to think about it again, which then dropped onto one of the white keys. You couldn't play the piano anymore. Not without having any hands. Every where you went people stared at you. The public were shocked to see that one of the Avengers was an amputee. You couldn't use a gun, or any other weapon. It was never going to be the same. Stark industries had already created you some prosthetic limbs, but the feeling of phantom pain would always be there to haunt you, so you wouldn't be able to concentrate on defending yourself or even do simple things like holding an object or walk. So you decided that it was best not to wear any.

You your decision had made you feel so limited to things you could do. You couldn't use your physical abilities to help, but only your mind, which wasn't much of any help since missions required combat, so all you did was stay in the Stark Tower.

Ever since the incident, you were either being aided by JARVIS to help you get through doors, or by one of Tony's suits to help you get through the day. You weren't allowed to go on any physical missions either. It was when the door suddenly opened and you jolted when your thoughts were interupted.

"(Name)." A familiar voice said in despair.

You knew who it was. It was Bucky, Steve's old friend. It seemed odd that he was too early back from his two week mission.

He was a new recruit to the Avengers, but somehow, you seemed to get along with him more than anyone else. Your feelings grew for him the moment you spent more time with him. You even had your hopes up one time when he had kissed you a few weeks earlier at Tony's birthday party. You had asked about what happened that night to him, but he just casually said he was drunk and avoided seeing or talking to you the next day.

It was not until you had the courage to tell him and break the awkward silence between you two about what you thought about him. Just two days before you and him would leave for your seperate missions, you told him about how you felt about him. He didn't reply with a yes or a no, but just walked off. He brushed it off like it was nothing. Not even a goodbye or a wave when he headed towards the helicopter watinf for him. So instead you just interpreted that as a rejection.

You knew it was a bad decision to tell him. How could he return his feelings about you? Just because he was friends with you didn't mean he was the type to love or care. His past with Hydra made him that way even though he was close to you and working for SHIELD.