CHAPTER 12
Summary:
"People like me, we stay out of things."
Dinner rolled by and Liam was already scooping Zayn's food onto a plate, and holding a cup of water when Niall said he didn't have to. Insisting he started up the stairs again and he could hear light music playing from the last room. Liam wasn't one to judge, even if it was old music. Balancing the glass of water between his arm and chest, he knocked on the door and after a moment there was a pause. The door opened and Liam has never been hit with the smell of marijuana so heavy in his life, Zayn stood behind the door with the blunt between his lips, and a small path of smoke making it's way out.
Liam blew the air back out of his face, and Zayn flinched closing his eyes because of the sudden air gust.
"Your dinner." Liam said, gesturing to the plate.
Zayn glanced down at it and inhaled a puff of smoke, "Don't want it." He said exhaling.
Liam blew the air back again.
He waved his hand at Liam, "Give it to Niall or something." He said, before going to close the door.
Liam squinted before pressing his foot against the closing door, Zayn looked up at him holding the door. Liam held out the plate, "Take your plate." He said gruff.
He'd taken his own words into consideration. Zayn was hiding away from the world because of some thing at had scarred him years ago, and the two have been trying to get him to step out of his own shell. He wasn't having it. If the others tried hushing him out of his own bubble and it didn't work, he was going to have to shove Zayn out of his world and into the one he avoided living in. Reality.
Liam held the plate out more, "Take it." He said, nodding to the plate.
Almost unsure, Zayn stared at Liam. His hand reluctantly taking the plate and yanking it from Liam's hands in frustration, leaving the door he put it on the bed side table and instead of eating sat down on the bed and continued blowing out of his mouth for his mental freedom.
Still holding the glass of water, he stepped over the door way and reached out placing the cup beside the plate. Looking at the spray painted wall again, he didn't see a picture like he had outside. The room didn't seem different from the last time, papers on the desk, CDs by the radio, this time instead the bag of weed being on the bed side beside the box of matches open. Liam looked down at the plate then to Zayn, exhaling he kept one arm crossed over his chest. Liam had intentions to being there, to push and shove. To get Zayn to pop himself out of his own made up world, and realize the difference between reality and dreams. He would be persistent.
"Is this what you do all day?" Liam asked, picking up the bag of weed and opening it before sniffing it. "Smoke Mary Jane's and hide away?"
Zayn scoffed, rolling his eyes. "I'm living life." He commented.
"Really? Because the last time I lived, I was outside and I was with friends. That's living life, not this." He gestured to the room.
He shook his head lightly. "How would you know my life?" He spit.
"I know enough." Liam said shoving his hands in his pockets.
Zayn's expression read disgust, "Get out." He said lowly.
"Tell me," Liam said swaying on his feet and tossing his arms over his chest, "What're you going to do when the mud dries up? What about bringing the others home? What're you even going to do tomorrow morning? Do you even think ahead?"
"I don't need to." He glared at Liam. "I might not wake up tomorrow morning." He stated, "I might die tonight."
Liam was taken back.
"How would I make plans for tomorrow where I could die in my sleep tonight? I could choke right now, have a heart attack, blood clot, brain tumor, -," he stared, "And you're worried about tomorrow morning?" Zayn scoffed, rolling his eyes. "You people - you don't think enough. You don't bother listening to other people around you because you're so self confident with your own 'billion dollar' ideas." He jabbed his blunt to the window, "Out there - the world will tear you apart. Eat you alive, and rip you limb from limb because you think you're high and mighty. Think you're god." Zayn stood up, standing beside Liam looking up at him. "Well, there's news for those type of people." He exhaled a puff of smoke the other way, "Every one wants what everyone's got, they're scavengers. All they'll do is get hurt, and the innocent people - they'll get run over. Chewed up, stabbed."
Liam stared, his hands tremor to Zayn's words. This was about his past, a deep memory forced into his life.
He inhaled the blunt again, "That's why - people like me -," he shrugged, "We stay out of things." He walked around the bed to the radio.
"Who am I then?" Liam asked, just when Zayn's finger rested on the play button. "Who am I in this world? The way you see it. What am I to everyone?" He was surprised that Zayn had even kept up conversation with him, let alone let him into his mind and let his hear his thoughts.
Zayn stood paused, "You?" He looked over his shoulder. "You're persistent. Annoying. Impatient." He spit truth, but it wasn't harsh at all some how. "You're one of them who shove their heads in to other people's business' when you should butt out of it and keep to yourself. You never listen to any one, and take no as yes." He shook his head, "You're idiotic, and -." He stopped, blunt between his lips. "Selfless." His voice softer suddenly, "You don't care about yourself because you're always saving other people to realize you're slipping off sanity, trying to save others and make sure they're okay when you're never okay. Always asking people if they're alright, and patching up what couldn't be fixed. Gluing everything together constantly just to make some thing work." He stared at the radio blankly, "You're stupid." He growled, "But you're not dumb. You're - innocent."
Liam stared at Zayn's back, his breath hitched lightly as his throat was dry. He inhaled a breath of life, "Is that what I am to everyone?" He asked, "Or to you?"
Zayn turned in his spot, staring at Liam as Liam stood defenseless with softness in his eyes.
He caught him. He caught Zayn between the world or reality and his own safety. He could see his confusion and hasn't decided what to say next. He'd caught Zayn lost for once, and in the moment he could see the humanity in Zayn. The fear, the loss, the hope, the decisions, the confusion - everything a human could express in their thoughts but never their words. Zayn was human - and it finally proved that he had potential in him.
Liam glanced down and to the plate, "Enjoy your dinner." He said lightly, "Good night." He mumbled before heading for the door, looking back as he was closing the door he stared at the human being he'd gave a little shove to and they'd walked the rest of the way out. It would take toll on both of them and he knew that - he just didn't know it would weight down everything he'd ever felt in his life. He felt the heaviest and most complicated thing he didn't think he could in his entire life, and he didn't know what to do with it himself.
He felt - attachment.
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In The Nick Of Time
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