rain

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It started to shower; tiny, dainty droplets of rain falling on my face.

I knelt on the rough, wet pavement outside of the hospital with bruised knees and a hoarse voice.

I held her there, the love of my life, and cradled her gently. As she laid in my arms, I closed my eyes.

Vividly colored visions of events past filled my mind:

When I got so worried about providing for her that I forgot to take care of myself and I ended up getting a raging fever.

The time I received a message from the nursing home, telling me that my mom finally crossed the rainbow bridge. When I couldn’t afford to pay for her chemotherapy.

All these memories shared something in common; her cradling me in her arms, rocking me ever so gently as she sang “Let It Be” by the Beatles.

She said it always helped her through tough times, and in her words, “And I figured it would help you too.” Which it did.

Then I opened my eyes to the dark, drab reality.

And now I’m here under this cursed rain, as it turned into a storm of thunder and lightning.

I looked down on her face, as pretty and kind as an angel, with the most innocent and soulful eyes I’ve ever seen.

And now, she’s lost the spark in her eyes, and she always looked so pained.

She’d never hurt a fly., I thought to myself as I quietly sobbed. She did nothing to deserve this.

I was angry, angry at the world, angry at the circumstances, angry at myself.

I felt a cold and shaky hand brush across my cheek; I think she noticed I got lost in thought.

“I’ll be fine, don’t blame anyone, not even yourself.”, she weakly chuckled, with a voice of honey and silk, now broken by pain even I couldn’t describe.

“How could you be so… Forgiving? Aren’t you mad? It’s unfair!” My mind and heart was racing at this point. I didn’t understand why she was like that, and I wasn’t able to try.

She simply smiled, closed her eyes, and slowly began to relax in my arms.

The storm has now calmed, and so did her breathing. With a heavy heart, I began to sing,

“When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me, speaking words of wisdom: Let it be…”

; end