sweet love/ short story collection

A part of my heart

I didn't mean to stare. I didn't mean to meet his stormy grey eyes over the row of wooden tables. I didn't mean to recognise the beautiful, raven-haired woman, sitting next to him.

The sky was crying, its tears running down the windows of the small, cosy café down 5th Avenue. My eyes watched him slowly standing up. His face was not clean-shaven anymore, his dark hair a bit longer.

He smiled at me across the table and I felt a pang inside my chest. He was not allowed to smile at me like this. For years, his smile hasn't been mine anymore.

I knew I would run into him, somewhere. I knew I would, but still, I was not prepared.

He made his way slowly towards me, finally coming to a stand right in front of me. He couldn't know that a part of me was still in love with him. Would always love him.

"I've missed you Mae", his voice was soft, while his smile reached his eyes.

How dare, he says that he missed me?!

"I've missed you too Ace", I replied against all my consciousness.

"How have you been?", he continued asking me, the gaze of his grey eyes felt like he was stripping down all my layers. I swallowed.

"I'm well. Very well", the words that left my lips were constrained.

I was going on with my life, but here he was, standing right in front of me. The way he smiled was still the same. The way his eyes hit a small part inside of me, was still the same. His warm, wooden scent was still the same. He was still the same. But at the same time, he wasn't.

"Would you like to join us for a coffee? To catch up?", his eyes lit up. A view I thought I would never see in my life again.

His question caught me in the worst way possible. I swallowed again for the second time.

"Okay", I just replied, weakly. I wished I could hate him, but I just couldn't.

He gave me a smile, which seemed to be the same at the surface, but I knew it wasn't. Deep below the surface it wasn't mine anymore.

I didn't mean to feel all these emotions.

He took my hand like it was still the most natural thing in this world. Like there weren't so many years between us, so many hours spent apart.

He didn't know how much it hurt me. I couldn't imagine how much it did until he wrapped his hand around mine and I felt the same warmth, I lost so many years ago, seeping back through my fingertips. Although I wished it was, it was not the same warmth anymore. It was a construct of hopeless wishing, of reminiscing in fleeting moments of impassionate I love you's, dancing through the night and holding each other's hands while telling each other our hopes and fears. Reminiscing feelings of young stupid love.

He led me to the wooden table, to the woman who sat next to him. She smiled at me with a welcoming smile. I was sure she would make him happy. Make him happier than I ever did.

I felt it as he let go of my hand. The long-gone feelings of heartbreak and loss.

I didn't mean the thoughts to swirl through my head, as I sat down right in front of them. She was talking to me, but all I could hear were his long gone words. See the raw agony in his eyes. We were so happy. Once in another life, in another universe, we were so in love.

"I love you Mae and I probably always will in some way, but we are just not meant to be together. You and I, we... we just want different things from life"

"Mae and I are friends. From school", his voice echoed in my head, as he turned to the raven-haired beauty next to him.

We weren't friends. We never were friends.

His smile was different. Older, in some ways. But I could still see him. Could still clearly see the young, handsome boy underneath it. Could still see, my handsome grey-eyed boy, beneath this new, foreign version of him.

He was mine. Once before, he was mine.

I wished I could hate him. I tried. I did.

I'm sure she would make him happy.

I swallowed as I stood up. My heart knew what the truth was. It knew, but still, I walked out there this afternoon.

A part of my heart was crying for a long lost love, as I walked down 5th Avenue to my home. A part of my heart was still reminiscing in his beautiful, young features, his soft, slow kisses, as I turned the key in the keyhole. And a part of my heart would still love him, as I ran into the arms of my husband, telling him: "I've missed you."