eleven

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// eleven //

        Ella was too scared to leave her bedroom once they returned home that Thursday night. Neither of her parents had said a word to her as they parked the car and entered the house – Rosie wouldn’t even look at her – so Ella scurried straight upstairs, locking herself in her room for the rest of the night.

            She would never admit it, but Ella had lain on her bed for several hours simply holding her cell phone in her hands and waiting for Ryan to call. Of course, she had no reason to think that he would try to contact her; they had only just agreed that Ella would stop helping him. Why would he try to talk to her if it wasn’t going to be about the money?

            But Ella had wanted to talk to Ryan, though she couldn’t bring herself to be the one to call. Stealing money had been the only reason they’d been talking in the first place, hadn’t it? She had no reason to think Ryan would want to talk to her about anything else. They had only kissed earlier because Ella had been a chaotic mess after nearly getting caught, and Ryan had gone along with it to ensure she didn’t feel bad. Hadn’t he?

            When her phone remained silent and the screen dark, Ella eventually threw it aside and tried to sleep. It was late at night and she knew there was school tomorrow morning, but Ella couldn’t force herself to close her eyes and will herself to relax.

            Every time she shut her eyelids, Ella could see the image of Rosie’s hurt expression as they stood in the emptied parking lot. The guilt was making her sick.

            By the time her alarm went off the next morning, Ella felt sure she had only just fallen asleep seconds before. Her eyelids were heavy and thick with sleep, and there was a bitter flavor in her mouth that didn’t go away even after drinking a glass of water in the bathroom down the hall.

            It was still there, sitting on the back of her tongue, as Ella awkwardly got into the car with her mom a half hour later. The drive to school was silent, the radio turned off and neither of them saying anything. Ella only managed to work up the courage to say something when they finally turned into the school’s parking lot, memories of the previous night resurfacing as they returned to where it had happened.

            “Mom, um,” Ella began in a squeaky voice, clutching her backpack tight to her chest and swallowing hard. Her mom had stopped before the crosswalk to let two girls across, so Ella knew there was less than a minute before she would need to get out of the car. “I wanted to say how sorry I am for last night. I’m just – I’m really, really sorry.”

            Her mom sighed heavily, turning the wheel slightly and coming to a slow stop beside the cracked yellow paint of the curb. She finally turned her head to look at Ella, disappointment lurking grey behind her eyes. “We can talk about it later, honey. Besides, the person you should be apologizing to is Rosie.”

            Ella’s eyes flicked down to focus on her knees, seeing the frayed edges of the ripped denim on the right one. Bitterly, she muttered, “But she won’t even look at me.”

            If Ella’s mom had heard what she’d said, she chose not to respond. But she leaned across the console to kiss Ella’s cheek, telling her, “Have a good day, Ella. Take the bus straight home, okay?”

            “Alright,” Ella replied somewhat reluctantly, her heart heavy as she opened the passenger side door and stepped out into the cold morning air.

            But if Ella’s morning had been bad, her afternoon was even worse.

            The school day had been long and particularly boring, each class passing by at a snail’s pace with Ella unable to keep herself from looking up at the clock every three minutes. By the time she arrived at her American History class and sat beside Nina, she was quite ready to go home and burrow herself in blankets and Netflix.

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