My goddamn rant book

Blah

There will be some language somewhat person and emotional things in here so don't read this if you don't like those things. I also won't care about spelling or grammar as much here because I rant here so don't come at me.

I fucking hate everyone on here! Why can't all you take the love and appreciation that people give you! People obviously care about you and you choose to go and hurt yourself because you say that no one loves you! I know it's hard to believe since we're just these profiles on a screen and our words may seem repetitive or empty. But it's what we goddamn have! It's what we want to fucking give you to! Our words are genuine! I want you to feel good! I want you to feel better than you are at that moment! You can feel just 'ok' and that's fine! Just shut it and take my and other people's love and appreciation! I don't want you to have toxic positivity but I want you to feel happy whenever you can or feel ok! People in here have killed themselves even though hundreds of people care about them! It doesn't even have to be hundreds! It can just be a few! But that's still enough reason to live! You get to watch your favorite YouTubers, watch your favorite shows, talk to your friends, play your favorite video games, enjoy nature and so many other simple things in life! 

Ok now I feel calmer, I don't hate anyone on here I just feel hopeless sometimes when people assume or do the worst. I have three friends and they know who they are, who said that I would leave them if they told me their problems or got too attached to myself. Because look, we are closer than ever and are great friends because I didn't leave their side and never will no matter what happens or how far apart I am from them. And the same goes to everyone I consider a friend. I will put my life on the line for you and stay by your side no matter what happens. I am also not one who likes to speak first so the only reason I wouldn't talk is because I don't know what to say and I don't know what you're doing. The reason I wrote this is because I feel like that barely anyone could help. For those who I helped and seemed to act like a therapist...I've never done it before. I say what came from my heart and what I thought helped you best. Not a simple phrase like "oh well it'll get better, you'll figure it out." No, I tried for you. I gave you what you wanted, I tried my best. This is the reason why I've never ranted to anyone and kept all my feelings and what I feel pent up.

I'm crying as I'm writing this now...

I feel pathetic now. But I just wanted to say that for years I've never actually told anyone what I've felt because I myself don't understand emotions and I have trouble bringing up my own feelings. And when I do and I ignore everyone. I never say anything to anyone unless I write something like this which feels nice actually. I'm sorry for changing the subject, I just wanted to say something about both things before I go to sleep while I'm doing this.

I'm going to now make this my rant book or whatever because I feel better now. Sorta. I'll just be spurting nonsense here with no real subject to the chapters I guess...

No one will probably even bother reading this anyways so I don't even know why I'm saying anything anymore.