Lucky For You

16 | Lucky & Sobbing

Chapter Sixteen: Lucky & Sobbing

"I need you when I try to say I'm
fine. you know it's just because I
can't admit when I'm sad,"
~ ashe

━━━━༻❁༺━━━━

   I went on a bad spiral for the following two weeks. Which wasn't helpful for my mental health, or my marks, since we were getting closer and closer to exam season.

   But, I kept it to myself. I barely slept at night, barely had any energy to flash a smile and was forcing food down my throat.

   Tilly was worried—especially when I came back from the bathroom with a scratch from four nails on my cheek. But she didn't argue when I mumbled I accidentally did it to myself.

   I thought, with time I'd get better. But it didn't, because there was still that heaviness in my chest that never fucking went away, and I just wanted to scream and cry at the same time.

   There was a fraction of times when I felt like myself again, and it was with a person I had no reason to be with. But I didn't care anymore.

   So, on the first Saturday of December, I took the elevator up four floors, knowing that the football team would be celebrating. They won National Championship yesterday, when they went away to another school.

   I knew they were back, since Armando was spamming me with videos on Snapchat, with him getting wasted with Alden.

   My hands were in fists inside my sage green parka when the elevator doors parted open. Despite the few people idling in the hall in front of me, I knew a party was happening. The wall on my right was nearly shaking from the music.

    After rounding a few people who smelled heavily of weed, I found their apartment door cracked open. I pushed it with ease and was instantly greeted with people shouting rap lyrics in the living room across from me.

   It was a wide space, just like how I remembered it—with a long sofa against the wall and four black beanbags in front of it. Across was a TV on top of a stand filled with video games, but the screen was currently playing music videos, with the lights dimmed low.

   My eyes scanned the kitchen on my right, which had a peninsula next to me and bar stools pressed against it. The cabinets were white, and most were closed with bottles of alcohol and coolers scattered on the surface.

   I tried to scan my eyes through the dozens of people inside the cramped up apartment, but couldn't find anyone as I slipped out of my beige laced combat boots.

   For a moment, my thoughts led to the worst as my hand rubbed against my thigh, thinking that maybe, he wasn't alone. He deserved to celebrate their win, but...

   I shook my head at the thought. It wasn't like we weren't talking. We'd been texting, and with more away games and me writing reports, I luckily didn't have to face him.

   I did it Lucky, he texted me after he won. I feel like I deserve a fat lucky kiss.

   You already won. Why do you need luck, Jay?

   I didn't win yet.

   Do you want me to reply the video?

   You recorded me?

   I bet on you. So yeah, I recorded the final win.

   He didn't answer after that. That was yesterday, and waking up today with the knowledge that he was back home forced me to get off my ass.