Thesweetestcreature

I fucked up

TW: mentioning of death. And also panic attacks?
Louis p.o.v
Soon after Liam left , and Zayn and Niall purposely decided to go somewhere.
So now I was left alone with Harry.

Fuck.

We sat in silence for about 20 minutes before he finally spoke up, "What happened earlier, it was an accident.And-" I cut him off "Yeah yeah ofcourse I know." I gave him a small smile.
He nodded in agreement.

"Do you want some beer?"

"I don't drink I hate drinking." I said.
"You should try it sometime, makes your pain go away for some time." Harry said.
"Pain?You? Aren't you the biggest jock ever?" I scoffed
"Doesn't mean I don't feel pain." He muttered.

"Oh really, what do you feel then" I said rolling my eyes in my mind .

"I want to die." He stated blankly.

"What?" I spat out. "Why?" I asked actually believing him.
"I don't have purpose,and I want to escape shit." He said staring at his legs.
"What do you mean 'shit'?" I asked genuinely.

"You know what , it's fine why am I even telling you this. You literally thought I didn't feel pain." He said visibly upset.

"Oh my god Harry , I'm sorry I didn't mean-
"Louis, I get that you're the smart one but that does not mean you know everything about everyone." He seethed.
"I never said I was sm- "
"Save it, we all are aware you're the smart one , you probably have a perfect life, perfect family, good friends and a good life." He spoke coldly.

"I do not have a perfect life." I replied in the same bitter tone.
"Neither do I." He said clenching his jaw.
"I'm leaving." I said getting up. I wasn't feeling to ecstatic with him and it had been a long day too.
"Okay." He said.
"Goodbye Harry, and I'm sorry." I said stepping on the porch.
He gave me a short nod , almost unnoticeable and closed the door.
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I reached home after walking for a while. I felt horrible for not acknowledging Harry's feelings. I just did not get that kind of response from him.
He was always the classic jock, making jokes, picking on people and I mean I thought he was happy from doing shit like this.
Ofcourse his life had the perfect. Turns out I was wrong.

I saw Lottie and phoebe sitting in the living room. I quickly removed my shoes and went straight to my room becuase I didn't want to talk to anyone.

I tossed my hoodie to the ground and picked a new set of sweatpants to go with a nirvana shirt.
I quickly changed and sat on my bed , thinking of how I could help Harry. I messed up real bad.

I was about to open my laptop when I saw a text from liam.
Liam:
Hey mate how did it go ;)

Horrible.

I did not reply back since I wanted to be alone.
____________________________
Harry p.o.v
I gripped the marble counter until my knuckles became white.
My lips were parted and I was panting like crazy.
It happened again.
I always had panic attacks when I thought of her. I wish I was dead. Why wasn't it me?
The thought kept running over and over until I finally regained my normal breathing rate.

This panic attack was not like the usual. It was stronger and it hurt more.
Even Louis' words hurt .
Yes, he's attractive and all but , how could he assume I had a perfect life?
I decided not to stress on this and instead decided to take a nap.

____________________________

I slept for about 3 hours before I woke up to someone yelling.
Not again.
My parents were fighting again. I have a really weird relationship with them. I love them but I hate them for fighting.
It's a lot to take in. I can't focus on shit, when I have to listen to them bicker on the most stupid things.
My grades have dropped because of them. The fights have gotten to a point where I've had to call someone to stop them.
They never stop.
It's so fucking annoying. I did not want to deal with them right now but I was hungry so I had to go downstairs to eat.
I got out of bed and checked my phone to see if I had any messages.
None.
Just dms from girls from school. Fuckin hell.

I slipped on my flip flops and made my way down the stairs. The yelling only got louder.
"What is your proble- look who's finally out of their room!" I heard my dad nearly scream.
"Can you please calm down. What the fuck is wrong with you." I replied clenching my jaw
"Do not use foul language in front of me!" He shouted.
"Weren't you the one using it right now?" I fired back.
"Go to your room." He said coldly.

"Yeah I am, I just came to eat besides I have no interest listening to you guys." I Muttered.

I walked over to the kitchen and grabbed some crisps from a shelf.
My life is hell.