No One To Trust

Dear Diary

Dear Diary,

Today is May 1st. I looked at myself in the mirror today and broke down. I was so ugly with bruises all over my face. My neck was red from where he choked me. I don't know what I did to make him mad this time... well I kinda know what upset him. Here's how my day went.

He actually surprised me today by taking me out to eat. Perry's Steak House. My favorite place. Even tho it was a little expensive. I got dressed in this pretty black body con dress with some nude red bottom heels and my black Chanel bag. All which he bought me to make up for when he would get mad at me. I did my makeup. I looked at myself before putting makeup over a bruise that was still healing from the last time. After that I flat ironed my hair. I had a red frontal sew in. I loved red. Any style I got that was red he loved that color on me. I kinda looked like myself again. I sprayed on some Gucci guilty and I was done. I walked into our living room where he was waiting on me. He was so fine standing there in his Gucci shirt and pants and shoes to match. His shirt was slightly open showing all his tattoos. He had tattoos from head to toe. All over his brown skin. His hair was twisted and he had a fresh edge up. He stood so tall. 6'1 to be exact.. When he seen me he smiled showing his perfect white teeth. He pulled me into a hug and I smelled nothing but his Sauvage cologne. He was perfect but his attitude wasn't. "I love you so much girl." He said to me hugging me tight then kissing me. "I love you too Amir ." I replied "Come on before we be late" he said leading me out of the door. I followed him to the car.

I was happy to be spending time with him. He was free always so busy scamming and selling drugs. We was in the car and he was holding my hand. Speeding down the street. He loved tf out of this car. Probably more than me. He had three cars. A 2021 srt charger hellcat, a Mercedes c class, and a G Wagon. We pulled up to the restaurant and got out. We was seated and ordered our drinks and appetizers first. Our waiter was really handsome. Chocolate, tall with waves. I tried not to stare too much .I didn't want to make him mad. I ordered a water and he did also. "How was your day today?" I asked him trying to make conversation. He was too busy on his phone. "It was cool. How was yours ?" He replied. " It was okay." I told him. He was still texting whoever. He was a very popular guy which was probably my first mistake, cause of course all the hoes wanted him. And he knew it too. I was shocked when he wanted me. But I'll go into details about that later.

He was still busy in his phone. I was just sitting there looking awkward until our waiter came back.  He asked us was we ready to order and handed us our drinks and appetizers. We ordered our main course and I smiled at him and told him thank you. Why did I do that? Knowing how he is . I could see him grow mad. I took a sip of my water and tried to play it off. "What tf you think you doing?" He asked me taking his attention off his phone for the first time since we been here. "What are you talking about Mir?" I looked at him asking. "Why you smiling at that nigga? You like what you see?" He asked me. "No, I just told him thank you , that's it." I replied. "Keep yo smiles to yourself .... you understand me?" He said loudly. "Yes. I'm sorry" I apologized. We where in an upscale side of town with all these white people and I didn't want him to start a show . As the night went on we smiled and laughed with each other. I was full. So full that I could have burst. The waiter came back asking did we want to go bags and he answered no . He asked for the check. "Oh by the way ma'am you smell really good. No disrespect or nothing ." He told me complimenting me. I quickly told him thank you. He walked away getting our check. Next thing I know I was getting water thrown in my face. "Amir! WTF!" I yelled before I knew it, wiping my face . My makeup was ruined . "GTF UP! Let's go!!!" He yelled throwing money on the table storming out the restaurant. People was staring . The waiter returned and gave me some napkins to wipe my face. "Are you okay?" He asked me. " yes I'm fine. I'm sorry." I apologized to him and left out.

We waited for the valet to pull the car around. I stood there not trying to make eye contact with him. The man finally pulled up and held the door open for both of us . Amir gave him a nice tip and I got in the car and put my seatbelt on. I knew what was coming. A beating. One in a million . Why did I allow myself to deal with this ? I was a pretty girl but my self esteem was so low. I'll get into that later on also. We pulled down the street before he pulled over to a side street where it was kinda dark and no one was around

"I ought to make yo bitch ass walk home!" He yelled. "I didn't do anything. I'm sorry if I offended you in anyway. I wasn't checking for him...." I told him. He didn't speak again. But what came next was a slap to the face. My cheek was burning! We was fighting in the car. Well he was fighting me and I was crying trying to block my face. "Stupid ass bitch ! Keep yo fuckin mouth closed! Don't say shit to these niggas no fuckin more!" He said with every hit. "Okay ! I'm sorry." I cried out. He grabbed my neck choking me. "Stop fuckin playing with me!" He yelled before throwing me against the car door. He started the car and took off down the street. "Next time a Nigga say anything to you don't fuckin reply! I can't stand no friendly ass bitch!" "Okay I'm sorry" I said low. I felt something running down my nose. It was blood. He hit me in my nose and made it bleed. I was too nervous to say anything. I guess he noticed... "Don't get that shit on my seats! If you got to hold your nose until we get home do that shit! Idgaf if it's all over yo hands , don't touch shit!" I held my nose the whole way home.

When we got there he let me out and unlocked the door. I went into the bathroom to clean my face and wash my hands. I had a black eye a scratch on my face and my neck was red. But it wasn't the worst I've been. I broke down and started to silently cry. Next time I know not to make him mad like that. Everything was always my fault. From my parent to him. He actually Saved me from my past life, which is why it's so hard for me to leave him alone. I wiped my tears and just stared at myself. So yea here we are. And this was only the beginning.