hiraeth | woosan

go

San has a fixed morning routine. Wake up at six am, clean up, and take a walk to the nearby bakery to buy two croissants. The young lady in the bakery recognises him and smiles without a fail whenever he walks through the glass door. She packs away two croissants in a paper bag with a practiced hand, and sees him off with a "Thank you, come again!" And he will.

"So where've you been?" San asks Wooyoung, taking a seat at the bench in a nearby park. The place is small but deserted early in the morning, and San has found it convenient to munch on croissants with a can of coffee from the vending machine.

"Well, where do you think good humans go after they die?" Wooyoung asks. "Or amazing humans like myself go?"

"Heaven."

"Bingo."

"What's heaven like?"

"Pretty much what you guys have in mind. No fight, no war, no sickness, no pain." Wooyoung 'leans' back on the bench. It's impressive how he makes it look like he is actually relaxed. "I'm guessing the same situation happened ages ago. A ghost talking to humans about heaven and that's why the image is pretty accurate."

"Or maybe the holy book says it all."

"Or that."

San chuckles at how this conversation is so Wooyoung-like, not the context but how it flows. It's as if they are really spending their usual morning together. It's almost as if nothing had happened.

San takes out one of the two croissants and hands it to Wooyoung. Wooyoung stares at it, but doesn't move.

"It's from the bakery that has been renovating while I was alive. It was famous for their croissants, and I was dying to try them," Wooyoung explains the details San obviously knows. He gives a nod anyway though confused.

As much as his love for cooking, Wooyoung loved eating. And when they moved in together, he found the bakery and had been determined to try their specialty. But the renovation took longer than it should have.

"How I wish, but I'm physically unavailable. Remember?"

Right. Something had happened. The moment San tries to indulge in his wishful thinking, the reality hits him like a truck.

"I eat well in heaven though. They have good food and it's cooked perfectly," Wooyoung says, but frowns. "But they only have healthy and organic food. What the fuck? We've lost the ability to die from obesity or diabetes and why do we still have to keep our painfully boring diet? It's so stupid."

Wooyoung continues muttering about how invincible the ghosts are, because they are dead, and the irony of it all.

"So, no korean fried chicken?"

"Yes, and no ramen!" Wooyoung groans loudly.

Wooyoung can scream all he wants and won't be complained by passersby. Because he is invisible to others, and so his voice, too, is inaudible. San knows for a fact, because the bakery lady seemed to not notice his presence while he was busy bouncing over freshly baked goods. So, San would look like he's talking to himself, and if the park wasn't deserted and people saw him, they'd probably think he's crazy. But that's the last thing he would care about. People can judge him all they want, and that is nothing but a trivial matter when Wooyoung is here. Yeosang calling a psychiatrist can wait.

"Therefore San, you are highly responsible for your food review." Wooyoung leans in. "You need to tell me every single detail so that I can taste it on my heaven-cleansed tongue."

"Oh," San mutters.

He has never done that before. It had always been Wooyoung who would describe what spice they use and what texture the food had, inspired by delight, and San would just sit there, watch him and smile in agreement and fondness.

"Come on," Wooyoung urges.

"Okay." San takes a bite. The croissant that has been his breakfast for months now, even though his tongue is used to the flavour, is good. And he says as much. "It's good."

"San?" Wooyoung calls him with a threat in the tone.

"Um...it's crunchy."

"Why's that?"

"Because it has many layers?" So it said on the notice next to the croissant in the bakery.

"Go on," Wooyoung encourages, shutting his eyes, probably for a better 'taste'.

San takes another bite. "It's...it has a rich buttery saltness."

"Mhhm."

"And a little sweetness...probably naturally from the yeast."

"Ah, I can almost taste it." Wooyoung inhales deeply, as if he could taste it through smell. "If you haven't finished the rest by the time I open my eyes, I'll disappear."

And oh, that threat is the most effective one on San. San stuffs the rest in his mouth quickly, just before Wooyoung opens his eyes.

He looks at San, mouth full of croissant, and laughs. "Well done, my cute squirrel." He 'pokes' San's cheek with his ghost finger, but San doesn't even feel the air moving.

"You still wake up at six am?" Wooyoung asks, air-kicking the stone at his feet.

"Mhhm." San downs a canned coffee to wash out croissant residue in his mouth.

"You know you don't have to, right? You don't have to see me off going to work."

Working in a nursery, Wooyoung's mornings started early. He woke up at six, got ready and left the house by six thirty (ideally). San, on the other hand, worked in a regular office that started at nine, so he could have spared more than an hour, but he opted to wake up with him, and bless his day be good.

"Wooyoung-ah, haven't you forgotten something?" San trudges his way towards his boyfriend, who's hurriedly wearing his sneakers. He was supposed to leave at six thirty, and the clock just hit six forty-eight. Wooyoung hustling in the morning isn't a rare sight.

"Oh," Wooyoung mutters, tapping his toes to adjust his shoes, then leans in to press a quick kiss on San's lips.

"I meant the wallet," San says, waving Wooyoung's forgotten wallet in hand. "But thanks."

Wooyoung lets out a shy giggle. "You're welcome. And thank you."

"My body's too used to it."

Wooyoung hums.

"Do you miss the kids?"

"I mean..." he shrugs.

"Do you want to go see them?"

"It's not like I can't see them from above."

"But don't you want to see them up close?"

There's a pause. Wooyoung turns to San. San has always admired how vocal Wooyoung's eyes are.