A Heart as Hard as This

Chapter 7

Author's Note:
Now, because I'm so anxious to get to the present (where the prologue leaves off) and I'm sure you guys are too, this chapter's starting 1 year later, the day before A Troupe auditions (Season 5). Jace and Richelle are still dating, Richelle and Noah are still best friends, and they're all 17 :)
This is based heavily off of my one shot, Problem.

Richelle's Perspective:

I stared at the tiny stick in my hand, and couldn't process how I felt. A plus sign. I was counting on it to be negative, but it wasn't. It was positive. I thought it was impossible. Clearly not.

Thoughts rushed through my head. Not now, not now. Not anymore. Not ever. I couldn't do this. I sat on the floor, head between my hands, barely able to breathe or process my thoughts at all.

One thought clouded the others. Baby.

I was having a baby. We were having a baby. Me and Jace. But I didn't want to. Not at all.

How on earth was I supposed to do this? I didn't know. I didn't know at all.

Jace... I didn't know how he'd react. I knew that he wanted kids—we'd been dating for 2 years so of course we'd talked about it a little—but he wanted them eventually. Not when we were both 17.

My mind was blown. There was a little person inside of me. Not living, but soon they would be. I'd be a... a mother.

And the more I thought of it, the harder it became to breathe or function at all. My brain felt completely disconnected from my body and I started shaking uncontrollably. My mind was spinning, racing with different possibilities and cons.

That was when I realized that I'd completely forgot about dance. I had A Troupe auditions tomorrow, what was I going to do? Could you even dance in this predicament? I thought so, but again, I didn't know at all.

And I didn't have anyone to turn to. Nobody. Jace would find out eventually, and I was sure that he'd stay by me... we just loved each other like that. But he didn't know anything either.

And Noah... I couldn't tell Noah. Then I'd have to tell him about Jace, and about everything I'd been through. It could even open up to me telling him about my feelings, and that could never happen. Ever. So he couldn't know. Another secret that I was keeping from my best friend.

I missed being able to share everything with people. I'd never been an open person, per say, but I wasn't closed when I was younger. Now I was. Completely closed off from everyone I knew.

I wiped a single tear from my eye and stood up. I wasn't getting anything done just sitting there. There was only one place on my mind, the only place that could help me in this moment.

——————

"Mama, I don't know what to do," I said solemnly. I was standing in front of her headstone.

She hasn't been buried in a cemetery, I didn't want her to be. "She would've wanted to rest beside our tree," I told them when they tried to reason with me. Our willow tree.

That we would sit under every day. She would help me with my homework, and read to me, and sing to me. It was our place, ever since the day I was born.

She told me that she came up here with me, carrying light, little me in her arms. She sat on top of the grassy hill and looked at the mountains in front of her while the willow leaves moved around us. And she sang my song to me for the first time.

"Mama, please," I whispered. "Help me."

I could almost feel her put her gentle hand on my shoulder. Something inside me told me that she was here with me, and I listened to the little voice.

"Everything's gone bad since you left me. Grandma's dying now, the same as you, and I have Jace and Noah, and now there's a stupid kid inside of me and I don't know what to do, Mom!"

There was no response. It wasn't as if I expected there would be, but I wanted one. I wanted her to sit here with me, in our spot, and tell me that everything was going to be okay. To hug me and kiss me on the forehead and sit here with me until I finished crying.

I screamed. With all the power in my lungs, as loud as I possibly could. What was my life? What was it worth? Every time something happy would happen, something bad would come and take its place. I hated it.

And now I'd have to get used to the idea of having a baby at 17 years old? With all of the other crap that was going on in my life?

I felt myself beginning to collapse. I saw little black bits through my eyes and my vision started getting blurry. My legs turned to jelly, and it was hard to breathe again. I closed my eyes, just wanting it to be over. I didn't care about anything good anymore, it would all just go away.

"Woah, woah, Riche," a voice said behind me. Strong arms wrapped around me seconds before I hit the ground. I melted into them, not even caring enough to use my legs.

"I'm taking you home. We need to talk, okay?"

I nodded as he swept me up into his arms. And I was asleep before his car started going.

Author's Note:
Gosh I've missed my cliffhangers :)