The Young Padfoot *Book One*

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Since our disastrous Defence Against the Dark Arts lesson when Lockhart had released the cage of Cornish Pixies, he hadn't risked bringing in any live creatures. Instead, we were now having to watch him read passages from his books and he even recreated some of his favourite bits. The best bit about this all was that every time he picked Harry to help him with the demonstrations, something which Ron and I found highly confusing but Harry found a pain in his arse; so far Harry had been forced to play a simple Transylvanian villager whom Lockhart had cured of a Babbling Curse, a yeti with a head-cold, and a vampire who had been unable to eat anything except lettuce since Lockhart had dealt with him.

Todays lesson was no different. Now he was currently up at the front of the class acting as a werewolf. Well, acting like what Lockhart thought a werewolf was like which turned out to be utter bull. I had a feeling that if we hadn't needed Lockhart in a good mood to ask him to sign the permission slip, Harry would have refused.

"Right, nice loud howl, Harry," Lockhart instructed Harry, who gave a half-hearted howl, making Ron and me snort with laughter. "Exactly. And then, if you'll believe it, I pounced—like this—slammed him to the floor—thus—with one hand, I managed to hold him down—with my other, I put my wand to his throat—I then screwed up my remaining strength and performed the immensely complex Homorphus Charm—he let out a piteous moan—go on, Harry—higher than that—" Ron and I laughed again. "Good. The fur vanished—the fangs shrank—and he turned back into a man. Simple, yet effective—and another village will remember me forever as the hero who delivered them from the monthly terror of werewolf attacks." Like I said... bull.

As I struggled to bite my tongue to defend the werewolf from his story, the bell rang and Lockhart got back to his feet, finally allowing Harry to re-join us, looking as humiliated as he always did afterwards.

"Your homework is to compose a poem about my defeat of the Wagga Wagga werewolf! Signed copies of Magical Me to the author of the best one!" Lockhart announced.

The class then began to disperse out of the classroom, giving us the privacy we needed to try and convince Lockhart to sign our slip for the Restricted Section.

"Ready?" Harry muttered, still trying to get over his little performance.

"Wait till everyone's gone," Hermione replied. We all pretended to be putting things in our bags until it was just us left. "Alright..."

We then approached Lockhart's desk, Hermione clutching onto the paper tightly, and the rest of us following behind her.

"Er—Professor Lockhart?" Hermione began nervously, making Lockhart look up from his desk, flashing his pearly whites in a wide grin. "I wanted to—to get this book out of the library. Just for background reading." She got out the slip and showed Lockhart. "But the thing is, it's in the Restricted Section of the library, so I need a teacher to sign for it—I'm sure it would help me understand what you say in Gadding with Ghouls about slow-acting venoms..."

"Ah, Gadding with Ghouls," Lockhart repeated, taking the note from Hermione, the smile still fixed on his face. "Possibly my very favourite book. You enjoyed it?"

"Oh, yes," Hermione replied immediately, nodding her head eagerly. "So clever, the way you trapped that last one with the tea-strainer..."

"Well, I'm sure no one will mind me giving the best student in the year a little extra help," Lockhart said, and even from here I could see the blush on Hermione's face. Lockhart then got out an enormous peacock quill, pretentious arse. "Yes, nice, isn't it?" Clearly, Lockhart had mistook my look of disgust for one of awe. "I usually save it for book signings."

He then scribbled a huge loopy signature on the note and handed it back to Hermione, who accepted it with shaking hands.

"So, Harry, tomorrow's the first Quidditch match of the season, I believe? Gryffindor against Slytherin, is it not? I hear you're a useful player. I was a seeker, too. I was asked to try out for the National Squad but preferred to dedicate my life to the eradication of the Dark Forces. Still, if ever you feel the need for a little private training, don't hesitate to ask. Always happy to pass on my expertise to less able players..."