Dreams (discontinued)

Waiting For A While - 3

content warning: mentions of overthinking, specifically catastrophizing.

• ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ •

As Luke cycles, the large school building gradually comes into view. After parking his bike just outside it, he steps through the doors and onto the sleek tiles of the hallway. Just around fifteen minutes till the bell rings.

"Hey, Luke!"

Turning to the source of the voice, he finds his first two soulmates.

A pair of teens wave at him. One has long teal hair tied in a low ponytail and is leaning against her yellow metal locker. The other, her stepbrother, has neatly styled shorter deep violet hair. He stands relaxed next to her, arms folded.

Hailey and Zander.

He walks over to them. "Hi!"

The three all met in that dreamland when they were kids. It took Luke and Zander just around two weeks to meet after the first dream, faster than usual. Hailey, on the other hand, came along years later.

"How are things? Seen that soulmate of yours yet?" Zander asks.

Luke sighs. "Not yet..."

"Really?" Hailey begins laughing. "It's gonna take as long as it took to meet me at this rate! Maybe even longer!"

(It took five years for Zander and Luke to meet Hailey. As of now, it's been four years since Luke saw that dream girl.)

As funny as Hailey's joke was, he can't help but feel sad. That girl is definitely a student at this school. Luke's in his senior year and will leave soon; what if he never sees her then? Sure, he trusts that the universe would work its magic and make their paths cross, but can it hurry up? He's getting all worked up about this. It's no fun.

Oh. Seems that that disappointment is obvious. His friends stare at him, smiles replaced with concerned frowns.

Hailey is quick to reassure him. "Uh-hey, Luke, sorry if I upset you there. I'm sure that girl will show up soon!" She places a gentle hand on his shoulder.

He puts on an apologetic smile. "It's fine, Hails. I know she will. It's just me overthinking." As usual.

He killed the energy. He knows that. "How about a change of topic? Finals are coming up."

Oh, wait. He just dug himself into this hole.

Finals mean the end of the school year. The end of the school year means the end of high school. The end of high school means leaving for college. Leaving for college means possibly not seeing her ever—never getting to really meet someone you're meant to be with.

He's being irrational, he knows. He can't help it.

"Never mind."

"What?" Zander asks.

Luke frustratedly buries his face in his hands. "I should stop thinking."

"Ah." He looks around the hallway as if advice on what to do is hidden in one of the golden lockers. "Let's... get you to the classroom and get your mind off of that."

He trails behind as Zander and Hailey walk to their classroom.

A tall, gawky student from the gardening club walks past, stopping as he spots the three. "Oh, hey, Zander!"

His cotton candy hair is a mess, and his glasses rest unaligned on his pale, dirt-smudged nose.

Zander's frown instantly disappears at the sound of his voice. "Elliot." He faces him, giggling at his disheveled state. The two laugh as Zander fixes his soulmate's glasses.

His... soulmate.

Averting his eyes from the public display of affection, he sees Hailey talking with their club's producer. Oh.

Sean and Hailey happen to be soulmates as well. They met when the club was first being formed, just around a few weeks after Hailey started having the dreams. They're very close now.

The universe is not being kind to him right now. Love of all kinds is in the air, and it's suffocating.

So, unannounced, he leaves his friends, dashing toward his homeroom class and as far away as possible from his racing thoughts.

He drops himself onto his seat and lets his head fall right on the table. Maybe can get some rest in the eleven minutes he has left till class starts.

That is if he can get his mind to quiet down.

But he couldn't. Classes were able to distract him a bit, but in between classes, it was just him and his brain—and the universe mocking him with happy soulmates.

It wasn't even just about soulmates. He has a way of making things seem worse than they really are.

Like that test that he stayed up all night studying for but probably failed. (He barely remembered anything he read. What if he doesn't make it through the school year?)

Or that text he got from Zander that ended in a period. (Periods can seem pretty aggressive in casual situations. Maybe he was fully aware of that and was really annoyed with Luke. Why though?)

Or going down the stairs to the school building's first floor. (It's very easy to fall if you aren't careful. It won't end well.)

A lot of the time, this overthinking ends up in him fixating on the worst-case scenario, which is almost always being left behind by everyone else as they succeed in their happy and healthy lives. There's a very small chance that that will actually happen, like 0.000001%. But that's more than 0%.

In short, Luke's day was exhausting.

#

After deciding that reading four pages of a book and finishing two math problems (and giving up on three) was enough work for the night, he tiredly throws himself onto his bed.

He just can't bring himself to work on any of this. There's still time to continue his work tomorrow anyway.

A break is very much needed right now.

Journaling can help sort thoughts out, so that's what Luke does. In his notebook, he jots down everything that's been going on in his mind today. As soon as something comes to mind, it spills out as ink on ruled paper.

might not have done well on that math test. i don't do well in math in general anyway (barely did math homework). maybe hailey or zander can help

or maybe not zander, idk if he'll help. i hope we aren't drifting apart

he won't help and i won't do well in school and i won't make it in life and i'll be alone and sad

also felt upset because everyone has met their soulmates and I haven't

will i ever meet that girl?

i really wanna meet her. i hope i meet her soon. she's very nice. i like her a lot. it would be sad to not be able to see her ever

Luke's day wasn't all that bad, though. Some things happened today that made him feel better.

my friends looked very happy with their soulmates. that makes me happy. and i have zander and hailey. they're also my soulmates. that's nice (at least, as long as zander and i are still friends)

worked on a song with the music club! we're really excited to finish it

the weather was nice today

i'm not very good at math but i am good at english and that's great! i got a good score on an english test

saw pretty flowers this morning. they reminded me of her,

Two pots sat on his windowsill, illuminated by the moon. One held lilacs in it and the other held daisies.

so i bought them :)