Fire among rain

Part 1

Sometimes I wonder if it would be possible to just disappear. To just vanish without a trace, only to go back and hit that big restart button on life. Try things over and play by ear. I guess that's why they say I'm sick in the head somehow. Mentally unstable and I don't maybe I am.
Some would never think being the only girl cousin of famous Viner Nash Grier would be an awarding adventure, but not really. I may live with him but we don't really talk. I go to school and he goes to his studio with the boys. Yeah I know who Cameron, Matt, Brent, Jacob, Sam, and Taylor are. I've only met Cameron once back when I first moved in with Nash and Hayes. I think that being invisible most of my life has kinda isolated me from that. I've gotten pretty good at it, it makes my life a little more bearable. Even if I do feel lonely sometimes, at least I'm not unfamiliar with it. I know my surroundings.
"Rae! Come down here and eat breakfast. We're gonna be late." I hear my Aunt Elizabeth calling me from down stairs. The crisp smell of bacon frying along with the semi sweet smell of her famous pancakes rose from down belong, inciting me towards it. I'm so very thankful for my aunt, ever since she took me in after momma was arrested for shoplifting. That was 9 years ago. I'm finally going to see her today, this will be the first time in 7 years. I don't even know if I'll recognize her. What if she's changed? What if she doesn't recognize me? All these questions bit at the heels of my mind. I step down the stairs, watching my blue black speckled socks and taking note of the color and that little angel anklet above it. It all clashed but went together. Looking up I sighed and made my way to the kitchen, taking in the fragrance. "Sorry Aunt Liz...." I see her smile over at me as she pours a glass of orange juice and set it in front of me. "It's fine honey. I know your nervous about seeing your mom. Now eat your food and hurry on upstairs and get dressed."
I got dressed in jeans and a T shirt then decided to change. I tried on a soft cream sundress with cream colored sandals. I shook my head and mentally screamed. This was not my style but it's for momma. I'm gonna try. Momma bought me this dress at a Carnaval in Rio back when she and I were touring with Nash. "Ok Rae... You can do this. Just breath in and out softly. I stepped down the stairs finding Nash coming up. He gave me a weird look then continued back up. I watched his back as he disappeared then step down onto the tile floor of the kitchen. "Aunt Liz?" She was washing the dishes and humming to herself. When she heard me say her name she looked up and her eyes brightened. "It seems like forever since I saw you wear anything like that, you look beautiful." She stopped and put the dish aside, rounded the counter and folded me into a hug. She was so warm and smelled life dandelions. "I'm scared, a Aunt Liz..." I croaked out, trying to keep from crying and ruining my makeup. "I know sweetheart, I know but it's ok.. Your momma loves you." I nodded my head, my cheek pressed against her heart. I heard her reach for her car keys and purse that was laying on the counter. "You ready to go?" her tender voice helped calm me and I sigh and nodded, putting on a smile I hadn't used in years. "Ready." He held out her hand and I slipped mine into her's. She gently squeezed and walked out to the car. She unlocked it and I slid into the front seat and breathed out.
The ride seemed like the longest ride in my life. The winding roads seemed to have no end. It's was only an hour drive but it felt like an eternity. Finally we pulled up into the visitors parking lot and Aunt Liz pulled the car into an empty spot near the door. She turned the engine off and looked at me. "Ok honey we're here. Let's get inside." I again nodded and pushed open my door. The air was cool and crisp, unlike that of the warmth of the house. It seemed almost forbidden. "ID and driver's license please." The rough voice of a guard sounded in the booth near the door. My aunt looked through her purse then handed him that familiar slender piece of plastic along with a sheet of paper about the size of a small sticky note. The guard nodded and hit a button, a buzzing sound and the click of the door unlocking echoed through the air. The door squeaked as another guard pushed it open. Allowing us to enter. The hall was dark and dreary, so quiet you could hear a heartbeat from the other end. I rubbed my sweaty palms together nervously and breath in to calm myself. I felt my aunt squeeze my hand and look back at me reassuringly.
We walked down several long halls till the guard stopped in front of a door and pulled out a key, unlocking the door and spoke into his radio. "Leeann Cameron, bring her in." My moms name hit my ear and I could feel my face flush. What if she didn't recognize me?
The door on he far end of the room clicked and swung open. I saw a older lady, with brown hair turning grey. She looked different but she still had the bright blue eyes I remembered so well.
"Momma....." I choked out in a whisper and her eyes brightened more.
"Rae.... My precious baby..." I could see the tears in her eyes as she stepped forward and wrapped her arms around me. Now I could help it anymore. This is the first time in months o have cried and really cried. "Momma... Momma..." I pulled back to pear into her face. "You look so grown up." She reached up and stroked my hair. "How old are you now?" I glanced up at her now aged worn face. "I'll be 17 soon." She sigh sadly. "I'm sorry I couldn't be there with you for your life. But I'm glad Liz is taking good care of you. How's Nash?" I shrugged kinda embarrassed I hadn't even talked to my own cousin, who I lived with, in years. "We don't exactly talk momma." She frowned and peered down at me. "Rae he's your cousin. Don't shut everyone out honey it's not healthy." I sighed and looked down at my shoes. "I know... It's just been hard." "I know sweetheart." We glanced up at the guard near the door who nodded at momma. "Well it seems I have to go. I'm gonna miss you." She hugged me one last time and I saw her wipe away a tear as she left the room. I hugged my body tight and walked out into the cold hallway, my Aunt sat on a wooden bench near the wall on the other side. When I came out she looked up and smiled at me knowingly. "You ok sweetheart?" I tried to speak but all I could do was nod. I felt a tear escape and trickle down my cheek. She stood to her feet and pulled me against her as the silent tears just flowed freely.
"It's hard, baby. I know it is." Aunt Liz said softly, stroking my hair. We went out to the car and I sat a in the front seat next to aunt Liz. "Well did you have a good visit anyway, my love?" She asked as she started up the car. I nodded, unable to speak. The tears streamed down my face and my heart was beating violently inside my chest.
"When we get home I want you to go out with Nash, he's going to the studio and you need to get out." I wanted to argue, to say no I'd rather not but something about the way momma looked at me when I told her I didn't talk to Nash made me stop. "Ok..." I think I must have surprised her by agreeing but she said nothing, just glanced over at me. She placed her hand on my knee and squeezed. "It's alright honey." I turned to face her and smiled. "Aunt Liz?" "Hmm?" "If I'm hanging out with Nash shouldn't I talk to him." She nodded as she pulled onto the road that led to the house. "Well honey I suppose you should." I turned back and stared out the window. I'd hardly ever talked to him, what would I even say to him? The thoughts were shattered as Aunt Liz pulled up into the driveway of our 3 story flat. From here I could see Nash up in his room going through his closet and just below him I saw my uncle quietly eating a piece of toast and reading the headlines in the newspaper. I sighed and rubbed my face nervously as I slowly walked step by step up the stairs. I heard Nash singing loudly to himself, his voice not a beautiful as Shawn's but still on key. I raised my arm to knock but hesitated. This will be the first time in 3 years I've talked to him. I felt some courage rise and I knocked, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath. The sound of Nash unlocking the bolt, my eyes popped open and I found myself staring up at Nash's very bare wide chest. "Rae? What are you doing up here?" My cheeks burned as I slowly turned my face up to look at him. "Aunt Liz wants me to to go with you to the studio today...." His face twisted in surprise as if it was something completely foreign to him, but of course it must've been, I never talk to him. "And you agreed?" I nodded at his confusion, kinda confused myself at my own actions. "Ok I guess that's ok....I'm leaving at 2:30 so if your not ready I'm leaving you." He smiled unsteadily and closed the door as I turned to leave. I stopped and stared at my door before opening it slowly. My room dark as the walls, My bed made neatly and next to it on my nightstand a pile of books I'd forgotten to read. My closet stood at the far end next to my bathroom. The doors closed shut, hiding my wardrobe of dark shirts and jeans. My head spun with the events of the day, making it hard to think straight. 30 minutes later I found myself sitting on my bed in my usual black eyeliner all matched with that uptown funk shirt Aunt Liz gave me for Christmas and torn jean shorts. My dark blue studded Jordan's already tied barely covering my wolf print tattoo that shown on my inner ankle. I sat with my ears plugged with my headphones. Invisible to the world. I didn't hear the nock on my door, the door slowly swung open and Nash stood in the doorway. "Rae?" I jumped when I felt his hand touch my shoulder. "Oh Nash...hi." He smiled and waved a little. "You ready to go?" I nodded and stood to my feet. He held out my bag toward me and waited till I took it.

The car ride was silent the entire time. Only noise heard was Nash's constant humming and every now and then tapping on the steering wheel. After what felt like forever we pulled up into a quaint little studio outside of town, 5 very rich looking cars sat outside in the parking lot. Nash turned off the ignition and pulled the keys out. "Ok Rae you don't have to talk to them if you don't want. But the guys are here and they probably will try and talk to you.... Especially Taylor." I nodded and again plugged my ears with music. Nash stepped out, turning back to give me a questioning look. I shrugged and swung open my door, stepping out and stretching my legs a little. Inside the studio was bright but quiet, not what I expected, I half expected them to all be loud and annoying like toddlers.
Nash set his backpack down next to the door, placing his keys on a ring above it. "Go ahead and go in, I'll be in a minute." I sighed and hesitated. I didn't know any of these boys, what am I suppose to do. I pushed open the door and stepped inside. The room, lit only by a lamp in the corner, was bigger than expected. The blue/green walls didn't match the red furniture and I guess that's just the way boys like it. There was another door on the far end, I could hear voices coming from underneath the door. I put my hand on the doorknob and breathed out. When I opened the door, the room went silent and 8 faces stared up at me. One boy with a bandana, who was sitting in a recliner across from another one with blonde hair stood up and came over to me. "Who are you?" I leaned back with a kinda surprised look on my face. "Um I'm Rae.... Nash's cousin." The rest of them looked at each other then back at me confused. "He never said he even had a girl for a cousin, especially a cute one." Again the bandana boy stared down into my face. "Taylor leave her alone can't you see your scaring her." I looked around to see where the voice came from, in the far corner stood a boy leaned against the wall. His dark hair slicked up and his hazel eyes big and puppy like. "Oh haha Aaron whatever ." I cleared my throat letting them know I was still standing there and shifted on my heels. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Cameron stand up and wrap me up in a big hug. Thank goodness I already knew him, I'd met him a couple years ago. "Rae! Long time no see... You've gotten shorter or is it just me?" He chuckled as I pushed him playfully. "Not funny Cameron." I rolled my eyes and sighed. Finally after standing there listening to the guys argue and joke, Nash came in. The room went quiet again. "What?" He gave a questioning noise and looked around. "Nothing." Was the reply. Cameron leaned forward and whispered something in Nash's ear. Nash leaned back away from Cam and gave the boys a look I couldn't quite see. Taylor held up his hands in surrender, only with a what he thought was a seductive smirk on his face.
Throughout that afternoon and on into the evening the boys laughed and discussed the events to come. The room became warmly and homey, I actually liked it. I wasn't used to the friendliness of the group. Taylor hung around me most of the time with Cameron watching from the corner. A lot of the time I caught my eyes searching for that unfamiliar upsweep of brunette hair pairing with puppy like hazel eyes of Aaron Carpenter. Every now and then I'd find him and our eyes would meet but only for a split second before he'd turn away to watch the football game. I glanced down at myself and sighed, instantly wishing I'd gone for a different style other than my black everything