relief next to me (by dolce_piccante on ao3)

1

Are you uncut? Clean? Open-minded?
You're in luck!
I'm a single 25 year old male looking to try out an uncut dick of a similar age (attached to a single male) for a quick blow job experiment.
Please email your first name, age, general location, and a photo of your dick with a Post-It on the shaft. On the Post-It, draw me a flower using your favorite color crayon/marker/pencil/etc. No faces in the photo, as I don't care what you look like, and could you imagine if your nude photo leaked? What if you're a celebrity one day? Please mention Craigslist in your subject line.

If chosen, please be prepared to provide your ID and two most recent medical screenings to prove you are indeed clean. That is an absolute necessity. If you arrive without documentation, I will send you on your way.
Sounds crazy, right? But, hey, you're getting free head out of it.
No romance. No kissing. No sleepover. Just head.
Best of luck!
-L

"Tell me again why you're doing this?"
Louis shut his MacBook and smiled at the glowing white apple, shaking his head.

"You're going to think I'm crazy."

"We've blown past that," Liam said, refilling Louis' mug. Coffee tinged steam rose from the white porcelain cup. "Excellent eggs, by the way."

Louis lifted his fork in cheers, a bit of scrambled eggs hanging off the end.

"I just feel like gaining a bit more experience with uncut dicks. That's all."

Liam burst out laughing as he sat in his seat. From somewhere in the flat, Zayn could be heard groaning. It was a noise Louis was familiar with.

"You sound like you're taking a seminar to strengthen your Power Point skills. Or to broaden your social media horizons." Liam munched on toast for a moment, tilting his head.

"Though I guess technically this is broadening your social media horizons?"

Louis smiled down at his breakfast, using his toast to push the remainder of his eggs around. He crossed his ankles under the table, bare feet shuffling on the hardwood floor.

"Yes, I'll have to update my resume immediately. Maybe even add it to my business cards."

"Why don't you just pull a few guys and see how that goes?"

"Ugh, that would require such effort."

"No way," Liam said, laughing again. "You pull at the bloody grocery store. The pharmacy."

"Funerals," Zayn said, shuffling into the kitchen. He wrapped an arm around Liam's chest, hand flattening on the center. His voice was like gravel to say, "Morning, love," into Liam's hair, kissing him twice on the crown on his head.

"Funerals is bullshit," Louis insisted, shoving toast into his mouth.

"False," Liam said, coffee poised at his lips.

"You, me, your uncle's step-nephew's girlfriend's brother Trevor, and the Lord Jesus Christ know that I speak the truth."

"I'm not commenting on this ridiculous accusation," Louis said over Liam, though he was smirking while chewing his last bite of eggs. He swallowed and placed his fork on the center of his empty place. "All I'm saying, is that I'd like to find someone to blow once, figure things out, and then be done with it. I don't want to pull or flirt or date or any of that."

Zayn flopped down in his seat. He wrapped his hand around Liam's coffee and brought it to his lips.

"This wouldn't have anything to with..." He sipped for a moment and winced. "Too much bloody sugar, babe. To do with Thor, would it?"