The Pieces of You

A Blades Edge

!Trigger warning! as this chapter contains a scene with sexual abuse. It is not explicitly detailed but please proceed with caution.  

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When he woke, the sweet sound of a guqin being played called Zhou Zi Shu to the main hall. On the platform was a woman playing the stringed instrument, her fingers lined with elegance. 

She inclined her head without glancing up and he took this as an invitation to sit. They continued there mutually wordless and listened to the song. When the last note rang free, she opened her eyes and smiled at him. There was true peace in that smile. A bolt of jealousy hit his heart but he returned the action, his eyes crinkling at the corners the only sign he was doing so. 

"You are up early. Where is Luo Fu Meng?" Those two were usually together whispering to each other, walking the gardens together, or studying in each others company. It was unusual to see one without the other since they had showed up on his doorstep. Their shared pain brought them closer and they stayed like that. 

She ran her fingers over the strings lightly. "She's still sleeping." Her eyes when she looked up at him were bright and glossy with emotion. "I wanted to see the sunrise today." 

Her words rang true in his heart and he understood all too well. On her face was the expression of a woman whose burden had been lifted for this lifetime. A happiness shone there like the first light of morning. It was blinding and it made his own eyes glisten with unspent emotion. 

She lowered her head in respect and took a moment to gather herself. "Will you see the sunrise today, Madam?"

His throat ached with the desire to shed tears and he swallowed with some effort. Pulling forth a serene smile, he patted her hand and stood. "Maybe tomorrow, Liu Qian Qiao." He went to descend the steps but her soft voice made him pause. 

"Madam, if I may, if he makes you happy, think about letting him in? You deserve to be taken care of as well." With these words, she began to play the guqin again. This song was even sweeter than the last and reminded him of a day long ago where the birds had been chirping and his hope had still lived. That was the last day he had experienced true happiness. Not long after, everything fell apart. 

With his head bowed, he walked back to his room. As soon as the door slid shut behind him, the tears brimming in his eyes spilled over. They dripped down his chin and dampened the black robe he wore. The memories flooding forth were almost too much to bear and he slid to the floor. Bringing his knees up, he curled in on himself and sobbed into his arm. 

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Zhou Zi Shu was young in the memory. His whole sect had died in front of him, his master passed from internal exhaustion, and his only living relative came to take him away. 

He remembered the way the carriage wobbled and the way the silk curtains brushed his fingertips as he looked outside. And he remembered the way the Prince looked at him tenderly as though gazing at his own child. 

The sheets were soft and his room warm. There was every luxury coin could buy here and he marveled at the luscious colors and sumptuous accommodations. Tutors came and went, training him in the art of elegance and pleasure. It all confused him, but he complied because it was what his cousin wanted. If this was the cost for his home, he would pay it willingly. 

After a month staying there, his cheeks were pinker with good health and his youth began to fall away in the face of manhood. Prince Jin came in and knelt in front of him with a pure smile. "Do you want to help your cousin?" The Prince's hands came up to rub his shoulders. "It's for the good of the kingdom."

Zhou Zi Shu's brow furrowed but he nodded slowly. He would do anything for the Prince since he had saved him from being orphaned. 

He was dressed in a fine gown and his hair twisted up into an ornate style. It made his head ache and he could barely move from the weight of his clothes, but he kept quiet. His cousin smiled at him, obviously pleased, and patted his cheek affectionately. "Remember, it's for the good of the kingdom." He departed, leaving Zhou Zi Shu alone in the room. 

He stayed alone for hours with only the sound of raucous laughter outside his room to keep him company. The door opened much later and an older man entered, his cheeks ruddy from liquor. Upon seeing Zhou Zi Shu, he clapped his hands delightedly. "Oh, yes, you're beautiful!" He grabbed the wine pitcher on the table and approached Zhou Zi Shu with a laugh. "Drink with me, little beauty."

Zhou Zi Shu wrinkled his nose in distaste which caused the man's face to darken. He took the pitcher and snaked a hand out to pinch Zhou Zi Shu's lips apart. The spout was painfully forced between his gritted teeth and the liquid was poured down his throat. It stung and made his eyes water horribly. Despite his struggles, it was unceasing. 

The world spun around him and the expensive headpieces weighed his head down. He was too hot and the image of the man wavered in and out like the ripples of a disturbed pond. There was the sensation of fingers pulling at his clothes and a pain that wracked his body. He tried to yell out but couldn't. 

His hands fumbled in the covers as he tried to pull away. The male on top of him struck out and Zhou Zi Shu's head swung to the side, blood spirting onto the covers. He gasped, tears in his eyes. The male eventually finished and stumbled off of him to leave the room. 

Only then did his cousin enter, his eyes averted as two servants came in to cover Zhou Zi Shu's tormented form. "You did well." he said quietly, and then was gone again. The servants bathed him and he passed out alone on the bed feeling as though a piece of his soul had shriveled away that day. 

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In this memory, he was dressed beautifully. A gown of the deepest green fell from his form and silver thread was woven through his extravagantly styled hair. He kept his gaze directed at the table in a practiced shyness. The man at his side was a noble who was just on the cusp of power and they were drinking with Prince Jin together. They were conversing while Zhou ZI Shu poured their liquor. It was all talk of politics and society that Zi Shu was not allowed to take part in.

The man had been kind so far, much to Zi Shu's surprise. There had been no wandering hands nor lust filled glances which confused Zhou Zi Shu, but he didn't dwell on it. 

Prince Jin was trying to approach his desire to ascend to the throne subtly and with poise, but the nobleman was avoiding him flawlessly. The night waned and Zhou Zi Shu's saw the miniscule change in the Prince's expression. He was learned enough now to incline his head. 

Prince Jin laughed and stood, gesturing for them to walk from the pavilion together. The nobleman glanced at Zhou Zi Shu and waited for him to rise before standing himself. He was warm and had a fatherly twinkle in his eye that had Zhou Zi Shu regretting what he was about to do. But he couldn't disobey lest he be punished. He followed behind the two men while pulling a dagger out from his sleeve. The metal glinted in the moonlight right before he struck out and cut the nobleman's throat swift as a striking snake. It was over before it had begun and he gurgled, turning to Zhou Zi Shu with shock on his face. He reached out as though to plead with him but quickly collapsed. His red blood stained the pure white pebbles on the ground irrevocably. 

The Prince never looked back and Zhou Zi Shu was left to gaze down at the man who had been kind and respectful to him only moments before. His soul cried out for help like the man had before his death, but it too received no answer. 

Zhou Zi Shu shuddered and broke free of the memories that clung to him like a deathly disease. He dried his tears and stood to walk over to the armoire. His tormented face reflected back at him and he let himself wonder for a moment what it would be like to be taken care of. A part buried within him wanted nothing more than to give into the desire to be cared for, but a cultured fear remained rooted in his heart. He was standing on the edge of a blade and he wasn't sure if the fall was going to cut him. 

Still, a fracture appeared in his resolve and he went to change his attire.