Last Man Standing | Jack Manifold

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"would you rather accidentally sit on a spiky cactus or one of those charger adapters."

I laugh and simultaneously wince at the random donation. I had been streaming on the new SMP for about half an hour and for the past 15 minutes or so, chat had decided to play would you rather in my dono's. I wasn't complaining, gotta get that bag, but they were starting to get genuinely painful sounding.

"Ooooooooooh. Definitely the cactus, wouldn't the adapter sink right into your arse cheek?"

➤ user89 : cactus

➤ user68 : cactus

➤ user79 : idk adapter might feel kinda nice 

"User79, hell nah." I said, my iron pickaxe breaking. I check my inventory, realising I was out of sticks and could not make another.

"Oh well, to the surface we go chat," I spin my character around and start sprinting back down my new strip mine. 

 "Only 2000 blocks to go." I sighed.

"would you rather have an un-popable blister the size of a tennis ball on your cheek or one the size of a football on your back."

"CHAT WHAT THE HELL."

15 minutes later, I was out of my mine and had plonked two blast furnaces in the spot I had left. Chat had finally stopped with their weird 'would you rathers' and had moved onto arguing over different  school-subjects' colours.

"Ye know, we haven't explored the map much yet." I stated, "Wanna do a bit of exploring chat?"

➤ user493 : don't you know it gurlo 

➤ user68 : message deleted by moderator.

➤ user1 : who do think we are? 

"Jeez chat, okay... no need for sass"

➤ user689 : ugh sorry mom i guess *rolls eyes*

➤  user235 : there is a need for sass, what are you gonna do? ground us?

"Actually user235, I will. I am grounding all 982 of you."

I grabbed a stack of bread, a bed and wrote down the co-ordinates of my house before setting out on my trip. 

===

I had been exploring for roughly 25 minutes, laughing with chat and finding random structures. We had found two villages and a shape in dirt that looked like a penis throughout the journey, the rewards being potatoes and a feral chat.

I was still wheezing at a dono commenting on the dirt penis when I clicked F5 and looked around the desert I was running through. A flash of orange caught the corner of my eye. I double clicked F5 again to return to my first person view. This revealed a desert temple in all its glory.

"HAHA YES CHAT." I yelled. "MANIFEST, PRAY OR WISH, CHAT. WE NEED A SADDLE."

I grabbed a small amount of sand to allow me to tower back out of the temple when I was finished pillaging and sprinted inside. I mined the sandstone beside the blue terracotta in the floor and jumped. I almost landed on the pressure plate linked to the TNT but I thankfully had moved last second, avoiding my death. 

I broke the pressure plate to avoid any mishaps and placed a torch. I also grabbed the previously mentioned TNT, just in case. I began to loot the chests. The first two chests didn't have much as I only gained a couple gunpowder, bones and gold horse armour. My luck began to rise drastically in the third chest, where I found the music disc, far. 

"Chat," I stared directly into my webcam. "That was lucky. But since we all poured our hearts and souls into manifesting this saddle, it's gonna be there, okay? Okay.." I began to try and hype myself up, convincing myself that the loot I wanted would be in this fourth chest. I took a deep breath and opened the chest.

"THE LUCK WE HAVE TODAY CHAT IS UNMATCHED."

===

I had just finished building a pen for my new horse, Benjamin, when a loud discord ping filled my ears.

"Wassup mothafocka" a Canadian accent yelled.

"Hey bitch, I'm streaming." I replied, knowing how unfiltered Nadia can be.

"Aight cool. Are you on Yellow?"

"Yellow? Is that a code name for a new drug or something?" I laughed.

"No dumbass, the server."

"I knew that I was messing."

"Answer my question."

I hummed in response, creating a name-tag for Benjamin and my new dog, Jip.

"Is James on?" Nadia asked.

"No? Why?"

"Let's grief him."

"Bet"

A couple minutes later, the roof of James' house was blown up by my recently obtained TNT and his things were scattered around the map in hidden chests. 

I changed my stream scene to a 'just chatting' style and leaned back in my seat, babbling to Nads and chat.

I DMed Nads, asking if she wanted to do a quick you laugh you lose. She responded quickly, agreeing to the idea.

"Okay chat, who wants to see a you laugh you lose?"

We quickly decided to allow three lives between us due to our shitty senses of humour. The two of us had already lost one life in 6 minutes of the challenge, suggesting that we wouldn't last too long. 

The next mediashare donation was the iconic, "objects i've shoved up my arse". I could hear nadia on the other side of the call trying desperately not to laugh. The list went on for a moment until it got to 'pebbles'.

"Understandable." I said jokingly, knowing that Nadia was about to cave. 

This comment finally sent the two of us into a cackling fit. Our laughter got worse and worse as either of us let out a massive wheeze or snort. I decided not to look at chat, knowing that it would be full of comments on our strange laughs. 

I had just started to calm down when another loud notification rang through my ears.

[WILBUR SOOT JUST RAIDED WITH A PARTY OF 7,687!]