Paper Crane Wishes

Sister Wishes (now)

Sister Wishes

(now)

Sometime around five in the morning my heavy eyelids finally win the battle against my brain and I slipped into a nightmare filled sleep. Locked in a room made of glass watching my family go about their normal life while ignoring my desperate cries to be with them. Cameron calling me out on my lie every time I told him I loved him. Strangers mocking me.

"Olivia?" Someone flicks my forehead pulling me out of the dreams.

I snap my eyes open. They burn from exhaustion and tears as I try to focus on the person leaning over my bed.

"What?" I groan covering my face with my arms.

"I want to talk to you." My older sister by four years pokes at my arms nudging them away from my face.

"I don't want to talk." I pull my pillow from under my head and cover my face with it. Just as I start to flip over away from her Haley climbs into my bed and pins me down pushing the pillow off my forehead.

"Do you really need to do that? We're not kids anymore," I say glaring at her the best I can with my swollen eyes. People say that crying it all out helps. Right now I'm seriously questioning how that can be true.

"You'll always be a kid to me. Now spill it before everyone else wakes up." She pinchs my arm then settles onto the foot of my bed.

I sit up facing the person I had always told everything to growing up. And the person that had always told me everything. Even when the age gap made talking to your twelve year old sister about how you were planning to loose your virginity a little bit weird.

Recently though it hasn't been that easy. I started to pick up on how she would leave out details during all of our conversations. I started to do my own fair share of glossing over things. Until we were condesing our stories down to almost nothing, saying we're okay when in reality the world is crushing us.

"I really don't want to talk about it. I screwed up and you're the last person I need telling me that."

Haley covers her mouth and widen her eyes. "Baby sis, I would never say that. You didn't do anything wrong." She lunges at me wrapping her arms around me in a tight hug. It's nice and familiar but nothing like the hug from the stranger.

"I broke Cameron's heart and crushed the plans we've been making for years," I say biting my bottom lip to keep the tears back. I can't get his face from last night out of my head. The way his blue eyes looked so sad as he looked every where but at me. His hands constantly moving to reach out to me but always stopping.

He almost ran me over when he was leaving.

"Did you want to marry him?" It was such a simple question.

Of course I didn't, that's why I had said no. I don't think I ever really wanted to marry him, just that I wanted to marry someone and I was told it would be him.

"Did you love him?" Haley asks before I can answer her first question.

The truth is you can't spend as much time with a person as the two of us spent together and not love them in some sense. I didn't love him romantically. But I cared so much, enough that it hurt me to hurt him.

"Not like that," I answer with guilt clawing at my stomach as every time I had ever used the word love played over in my head. Knowing that in some way I had meant doesn't make the pain any better because I didn't mean it the way I made us all believe I did.

"The way I see it the only way you've screwed anything up is by not being honest sooner." My sister squeezes me into a tighter hug and kisses my forehead. "You're braver than me, than all of us."