Sa Dulo

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I found her sitting on the bench. Hawak niya 'yong kape niya habang nakatingin sa malayo. Palagi siyang ganito. She always embraces the silence around her. Just by looking at her, you will know what kind of person she is. Full of calmness and comfort. Napangiti ako. Ang ganda talaga niya sa paningin.

I started walking towards her. "Hey!" Pagtawag ko sa kaniya. When she looked at me, she smiled and raised her cup of coffee. I did the same thing.

Nang maupo ako sa tabi niya, inilapag ko ang libro sa pagitan namin. Napatingin siya ro'n at napangiti. "Tapos mo nang basahin?" Tanong niya bago ibalik ang tingin sa malayo.

Bahagya akong natawa. "Hindi pa."

Gulat siyang napatingin sa akin. "Why? No'ng una excited ka pa ah?"

"Magpaliwanag ka muna." Natatawang sabi ko.

Sumandal ako sa bench at marahang tumingin sa kaniya nang tumawa siya. 

"Finish it first." 

"Oh, come on! Sabi mo tayo sina Justin at Ayen?" I took the book and opened it.

"Yes." Confident niyang sagot.

"So, bakit dito, mahal ni Ayen si Justin?" Seryosong tanong ko. I can't and won't finish this book without getting an explanation from her. I am still trying to kill my feelings for her so she better give me a good reason so this book won't give me any hope.

"Kung tinapos mo sana, edi na-gets mo." Naiiling niyang sabi. 

"Sus! Alam ko na rin naman ang ending." Nilingon niya ako at tinaasan ng kilay, hinihintay ang susunod kong sasabihin. "Hindi sila magkakatuluyan kasi hindi naman nangyari sa atin." Dugtong ko. May kirot.

She just smiled at me and looked in front again. She placed her cup beside her and crossed her arms. Nangunot naman ang noo ko dahil hindi siya sumang-ayon.

"Mali 'yong hula ko?" Nagtataka tanong ko. I checked the last part of the story and it was actually a happy ending. They ended up marrying each other. "But. . . What? Why?"

I saw her closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

"Kaya nga 'Kung Isusulat' ang title. Because I can actually do everything for our friendship but there's this one thing that I can't. You know that." She opened her eyes and looked at me. "Kaya ko sanang suklian 'yong pagmamahal mo, kung isusulat lang. Kaya ko sa libro. Pero sa reyalidad, alam mo 'yong totoo." May kung ano sa mata niya na para bang nagsasabi na huling beses na niyang sasabihin 'to. Para bang tinutuldukan nang tuluyan ang lahat.

Katahimikan sa parte ko. Hindi ko alam ang sasabihin. Nanatili na lang akong nakatitig sa kaniya.

"At least in that book, I could make you feel what it feels like to be romantically loved by me. But I also want you to know that the other purpose is for you to finally realize that what I want and love between us is purely our friendship."

Ngumiti siya. Umayos ako ng upo at tinitigan ang libro. I won't lie, it hurts. How could this book, the author, and the reality hurt me all at once? 

After the long silence between us, we stayed there talking about the book and the random things that happened in our lives. I will forever cherish our shared moments. This is what the reality wrote for us. Baka oras na para tigilang sisihin ang tadhana kung bakit hindi kami ang paborito nito, kung bakit hindi p'wedeng kami 'yong bida at happy ending ang sa huli. Hindi talaga pare-pareho ang istorya. Because if yes, everything will be in a cycle of having the same ending, plot, and characters without realizing that in reality, everything is in a web of possibilities. And it's good to explore and focus on other angles because there's more than one meaning in every story. Just read between the lines.

That's life. That's our story. In reality, she will never cross that line. And for me, it will take a thousand years to let go of my feelings after a thousand times of reading what's written between us.

- WAKAS -

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