As I stroll down the aisles of my local fresh food market, I notice a big gathering of people nearby the onion section, so I decide to take a quick look. There on the floor, is an incredibly handsome, buff man, lying on the ground covered in a colossal mountain of onions.
Everyone is gasping in shock and their eyes are widened with terror, but yet mine are relaxed. This man makes me feel oddly comfortable, although I haven't heard a single word from him.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY SWAMP!" The mighty man screams as he peels layer after layer. Children are running manic, mothers are covering their daughter's eyeballs, and a few, including me, are checking out his fine, visible butt crack.
The man gets up from the ground and walks over to me, he places his fat, but oddly satisfactory finger on my nose and whispers to me:
"It's never ogre". He caresses my face with his hands, his hand smells like ear wax, which is now my favourite scent.
All of a sudden, the man picks me up by the pants, and carries me outside into the parking lot, he sets me down and strokes my hair.
"What's your name?" He asks in his accent, which is ever so sexy.
"My name is Chedden" I announced as I placed my hands on my hips and wiggled them side to side like Shakira, they definitely DO NOT lie.
"Well... Chedden, my name is, Shrek". He laughs as he lets out a huge burp.
"Better out than in I always say". He smirks, I laugh, he was ever so funny.
"Well Shrek, I better get going". I say with a smile, I turn around and head to my car when all of a sudden a firm grip grabs onto my arm and swivels me around again.
"Oh we're not done yet".
