You Must Fall In Love

Chapter Twenty-Seven

"Are you okay, Rob?"

And he was back, just like that, standing in Christine's room with the ruined red bed. She was behind him. The cold white sunlight shot through the shade and filtered through the torn canopy, casting a spotlight on the fallen curtains, strewing rose-red shadow on the carpet.

It looked like blood in water, spreading. Like the blood that had dripped from his changed claw was pooling out from his toes, carrying the stench of his curse.

"I should be asking you that question," he said. "Did August hurt you?"

"No," she said. "He... he didn't do anything."

But her right hand was clenched tightly on her left forearm, and there was something in her voice that creaked like the bed columns, stretching up to hold something that was no longer there.

He began to remember what he had seen.

"He was forcing himself on you, Christine. Like... like an animal."

What business was it of his, anyway? He'd only just met her yesterday. Did he think he owned her just because he had cleaned her up?

Why was he so angry?

"He didn't. I mean, he did, but I... I wanted to. I wanted him to touch me. To..."

Her voice broke off, like it had been torn from her throat. She made that little sound of frustration, the one that he had become so accustomed to. It sounded like something between a growl and a mewl.

"It was his love-charm," he said. "It wasn't your fault."

"No, that's the point!" she burst out. "I should have been smarter! I'm a mage's daughter, I shouldn't be so stupid!"

Rob pursed his lips. His anger was boiling, right at the bridge of his nose. It felt like his shoulder-blades would tear at any second and give birth to wings.

"Being someone's daughter doesn't mean anything, Christine," he said. "You couldn't have known. He had all the cards."

"That's..."

Her voice was so fragile it hurt. It pushed into his heart like wire.

"Just be quiet!" he roared. "Stop blaming yourself!"

She turned and stiffened, then fired right back.

"Why are you yelling at me? You're the one who threw him into the ceiling!"

"I was trying to protect you!"

"Protect me? You made everything worse! Where am I supposed to sleep tonight?"

"That's what you're concerned about?" laughed Rob. "Then why'd you scream? Just let him do it to you if that's what you want!"

She strode across the room and slapped him in the face. He barely felt it, but the fact that she would even dare to lay hands on him was so surreal that he took a step back.

"I... I was scared, alright?" she ground out. "I was scared! I'd never felt that way before! I've never wanted to touch anyone, or... or hug anyone, or..."

She was crying. Her tears were rolling down her face and onto his sweater. She tried to speak again, then broke down. Snot poured from her nose and down her lips.

"H-How can marriage be my destiny i-if I can't even fall in love?"

She hit him, wordlessly, battering at his chest, as if by hitting she could pound her problems into nothing. Each sob shook her whole body, like a whole lifetime of confusion was tearing her apart, cell by cell, and the only way to make herself feel anything was to cry.

Rob stared at the broken bed. He understood exactly what was happening now, why she had been so eager to tell him of her ancestry. Why she had used the words she had.

"I get it now," he said, anger dwindling to nothing. "Marriage is your curse, isn't it? Just like this mark is mine."

He took her by the shoulders and moved her, as gently as he could, until she was standing two feet away from him, too ashamed to look him in the eyes.

"Let's make a deal," he said. "I'll withdraw from the race. From this moment on, I renounce all former intentions of gaining the Hart Princess' hand."

She hid her head in her shoulder. It might even have worked, if she had more of a shoulder.

"That's... you can't do that. You have to..."

"In return," he said, "you find a way to free me from the Bestiary curse. That's all I'm asking."

She rubbed her nose, then sniffled loudly.

"Why?" she asked.

Because I don't want to hurt anyone like I was hurt.

"Think about it," he said. "There aren't any Mages who can help me. I thought the Hart Princess could. But you're the Hart Princess, or at least, you could become the Hart Princess. That's why I'm asking you. I bet your Grand Mage cousin couldn't even give you a straight answer."

She shook her head.

"I was going to tell you," she said miserably. "I forgot."

"I wasn't expecting anything, anyway," said Rob, even though he had been for a moment. "Don't sweat it."

He was bad at talking. There wasn't really any other way of putting it. Oh, sure, he was good at being snide and deadpan and using quips like bludgeons, but those were just defensive measures against the need to actually tell anyone what he really felt.

If he restored the equilibrium here, if he talked enough about thinking instead of actually thinking, then maybe he would be able to ignore the unease in his stomach.

"And besides," he said, pushing past the strange lurch before it could stop him, "who'd want to get married to you, anyway?"

A low, slow, snuffling sound. He cursed himself inwardly. She was crying again, of course. Why couldn't he read the room?

"Hey," he said. "Don't..."

Then he realized.

She wasn't crying. She was laughing, head in her hands, giving the desperate giggle of someone caught against a wall and a whirlwind.

"I don't know," she hiccuped, burbling the words in a way that seemed a lot like another sob. "Why don't you tell me?"

Rob closed his fist around the sarcastic reply and crushed it. He walked to the other side of the room, found the chair, then put his hands on its back, completely aware of how he had done the exact same thing yesterday.

"I don't know either," he said. "I was never in this for the marriage in the first place. But if you want my honest answer, I think there's someone waiting for you out there. Someone told me that a long time ago. So if you keep yourself available, who knows? Something might even happen."

It was out before he could even think about it.

"I don't think you're completely undesirable."