I Chose Nothing

25

     Over two weeks, Sage said nothing. She refused to eat, she refused to drink, she refused to interact with anyone. Marc visited every day. Bringing her carnations from the store, she thanked him silently.

Over time her condition got worse, she was inches away from death. Marc tended to her flowers, tears streaming down his face as she grabbed his arm. Marc froze in place, "Tell John to take care of those flowers please?" She begged him, he was her last wish. Marc opened his mouth to try and say something but nothing happened.

Later that same day, Sage had passed away. Marc was there along with the rest of her family.

John decided to correct his wrongs a day later, visiting the hospital and asking for Adaliya Kelley. The receptionist shook their head and let him enter, he went down the hall and saw Marc sitting on a bench near the door. Marc got up and handed him a note, with tears already rolling down his eyes, "She wanted you to have this." Was all he could muster out to say. This time, it was John's world to go up in flames. "Where is she?" He asked, Marc only sobbed harder, "Why didn't you say anything? There's no point in going down there" He asked, John froze in his steps, "I chose nothing, and I regret that." However, by the time he made it to the room, they were cleaning it out, it was too late.

John went home, ignoring everyone. Running away from all of his problems. He shouldn't have come back, he shouldn't have said nothing, he shouldn't have gone to that concert, he shouldn't have knocked on her door. All of it. All of it was a mistake, he was too far deep now. He sat in his car, feeling the paper crunch in his pocket, John took it out and read it.

     Dear John,
I want to let you know that in all honesty, I still love you. Even if you don't love me in return. I just wanted to let you know that, you have no reason to feel bad, you can let go. In that moment, I finally understood why people feared silence. It was the uncertainty, for me. However, some find it comforting? I have no idea. I hope Marc told you this already but, I want you to take care of  those flowers. If not for me then for a chance that perhaps one day, it blooms and you see it's beauty for what it is.
Thank you for everything, Adaliya (Sage) Kelley

     John went home, holding the note in his hands the entire way. He ran to his room and isolated himself. He opened his computer, hoping that something could distract him, he couldn't shake off the feeling. Guilt. Regret. Sorrow. Whatever you wanted to call it. He was the one who was supposed to be thanking her, she gave him everything that made him happy. He used his school work and commissions to help distract him. But nothing worked. Scrolling through the assignment list in his Humanities class, he saw the essay. He hadn't written it yet. It was due today.

"Draft 1:"
It was the introduction she helped write. He had written a paragraph about what regret was, trying to stall introducing his biggest one. He already knew what to write. He spent two hours writing then came to the conclusion. Afterwards, he turned it in, finally allowing himself to cry. There was a gentle knock on the door. Assuming it was Marc, he didn't open it. Nobody else would knock on his door.

After, collecting himself the next day. He went to see who was knocking at the door, even though they had gone a long time ago. He noticed a black envelope had been slid underneath his door. He knew exactly what it was, but never opened it. Leaving it on his counter, the last note he'd received from her, sat there. Unopened.

Her apartment sat there, empty. No bangs, no loud TV, no crazy laughing. Desolate. John would take the time and hold the telephone up to his ear, hoping for laughter on the other side. Sometimes in which he heard.

     Consequently, I live to regret one thing, that thing is not telling Adaliya Sage Kelley, my lover, that I had loved her in return. But instead face the consequences today, and probably for the rest of my life, of walking away like a coward and knowingly missing out on the opportunity to see her with a smile on her face one last time. She gave me options and I chose nothing.

For someone
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