The Boy I Met That Night...

The Bot I Met That Night...

                Tartaglia was a boy who went by many names throughout his life... but, he did seem to have his preferences.

              "Well, let's see kitten... y-yes.... this will do quite nicely indeed..." tartaglia murmurs to you, almost blowing your ear.

             "nhg~~ t-.....tartga-" he puts his finger on your lips. you silence.

           "Did I say you could speak, kitten?" he pauses. "...now. about that title... alpha male. you can call me by that name and that name only. should you disobey that rule, I'd get angry. and you dont wanna see me angry, now do you?"

              "y.... yes alpha male." y/n stares at tartaglia.

              tartaglia comes closer, rubbing up against you ever so slowly. you flinch. 

             "tartaglia!!! nyeh~~ m-m-m-m-m-my tail..... I can't~~ oow~~ get away~!!"

            "pardon? ..would you like to repeat that beta?" he glares at you with bloodlust. you start to fear your life. suddenly, you hear distant words, but its all a blur. 

             "I...... ll ha.... der!!!!!" it was a deep voice. all of a sudden, a giant meteorite smashes down on tartaglia.

            "tsk tsk. I thought you had learnt your lesson, Childe." a man emerges. hes a tall figure, with a long ponytail and a rock hard physique.

             "t.... argh..... you..." tartaglia wobbles. he can barely speak.

            "i assume you've learnt your lesson this time? or do you need to feel the wrath of the rock again." he seems to be... familiar with tartaglia. like they have done this several times before.

              "yes... YES!! please... just let me go Zhongli..."

             "very well. be on your best behaviour this time." 'Zhongli" says.

then, right as you thought it might be over, you hear a loud thunder. was it the liyue famous pirate slaying yet another mythical beast of the sea? perhaps it was rex lapis, signing yet another contract. I look over, and in a fraction of an instant, it happneds. everythings destroyed. i cant see what happened.

             "you... thought that.... you could destroy me....?" zhongli emerges, but hes not the same as before. 

               "that was a heafty wafft, i have to admit. but will it stand a chance against the almighty archon Rex Lapis?"

a... fart?! tartaglia and rex lapis are going at eachother, one deadly fart after another. at this point, they might suffocate from the amount of air and gas their producing. 

its one fart after another. theres no chance of survival for either. you run. run as fast as you can. you run to the dawn winery, all the way in mondstadt.

* pant * you're safe. suddenly, you look over the clouds. the biggest explosion youve ever seen occurs. it devistates teyvat. the damage done was worse than the calamity of khaenri'ah and the archon war combined.

you wait for the ashes in the air to calm down. as soon as you can see the sun through the massive amounts of fart, you bolt. you try and find Rex Lapis and Tartaglia before its too late, to see if they, at least, can be spared. 

you reach the scene of the crime.

its dead silent.

not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. 

suddenly, you hear an elderly cough.

you rush over, and see zhongli with a cane and reading glasses trying to get out from the coulds. you want to put him out of his miserry, but how?!

then, you remmeber something. you kept a bottle of fresh fart in your bad with you at all times. it was a gift from klee that she says she got from Diluc. you open it, slowely. zhongli is already in pain from the stench. so, you reach over, and put it in his mouth. hes dead. 

it was horrid. youre lucky to have brought a space suit on top of your scuba diving gear, or else you might not have made it.

you look far and wide for tartaglia, and find him sitting under the tree at windrise. you despise him. after devistating the world with such a wafft, no greater sin could garuntee where hes headed in the afterlife. so, you open the bottle of wonders, and slowely intoxicate the area. you see tartaglia slowely and misserably die. you are happy. you are free.

THE END.