What would you call it? {•vkook•}

IV.

okay, okay, okay tae was in love and realising it was not something he wanted neither needed. what the actual fuck could have he done now? he was in love with a person, wait no not a person, more like and idea of how a person can be. jeon jungkook was stranger and tae didn't know him no matter how much he stared at him from the window.

for him jeon was golden apple that needed to be craved and tasted but ordinary people like taehyung wouldn't be able to taste him, wouldn't be able to savour the taste, the time, wouldn't be able to appreciate him. no matter how wrong tae was, in his mind it was right.

maybe he should have told his friends about his crush, maybe it would make things easier but no, instead he tried to hate poor jeon in front of his friends when in reality all he wanted was to admire elder from afar.

god he wanted to tell his friends that he was helplessly in love with a boy who had pretty bunny smile and sparkling eyes and that he was ready to do everything just to be glanced from forbidden person. but then again he didn't want to be noticed, attention made him feel sick to his stomach but that didn't stop him from praying and asking god to just be glanced from the older male.

blue stripes on his crushs' jacket made him love blue colour. blue, blue, blue reminded him of jeon, something about the colour completely fitted black haired male and now all tae wanted was blue things, blue clothes, blue lights, pens, eyes, love. it was depressing, so, so depressing.

tae wanted jeon so much that it was unhealthy for himself. blue and jungkook, both were calming in their own ways and both made taehyung feel same kind of sadness that was increased by the feeling of longing. it was impossible to stop now.

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"this is disgusting"- okay, what the hell was going on in taes head you may ask? well he was disgusted by his behaviour. why did he fell in love now and with a person who was way, WAY out of his league. it was like a death penalty for him.

he couldn't study, couldn't concentrate or do anything other then thinking about beautiful doe eyes that just make his life a little more meaningful.

every day started with thinking about jungkook and it ended the same way. reason to comb his hair, style his shirt, or just go to school was always somehow connected to his crush and he has already come in terms with it.

*"i wish i told my friends"- well you didn't so now you have no right to complain taehyungie, "i can still tell them"- oh honey how, who knows what they would think of you. imagine your friend telling you that he is inlove with a person he claimed to hate? embarrassing. pathetic.*

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tae was tired. so tired but winter holidays ended and he was ready to go to school.

his eyes silently searching for the forbidden person but there was no use, he wasn't there.

he wasn't there for the next week too, and the week after that. and when tae finally had a courage to ask what was happening and why hasn't he seen the elder, he got an answer. it was bittersweet. "he moved to another school" and now tae couldn't hear anything else. suddenly his reason for everything was gone and honestly he wished to be dead right now.

for two years he was in love. for two years he was tortured and now the person that made him want to breathe wasn't even here anymore? no no, please let this be a dream, a nightmare. this was so cruel. tae fell in love in the street, then met this person in his school, maybe just maybe if they talked they could have realised that they were soulmates, maybe they weren't soulmates but no one cares for that now, no one wants to hear about it now. all they wanna hear is poor boys sobs that break out from his closed mouth. teeth were pressed so hard at each other that it was scary to look, almost looked like they were breaking. but teeth were fine and they were not braking, taehyung was. he was breaking and shattering, angry at himself and angry at god because he knew he didn't deserve this. god his throat hurt so bad from refraining himself of crying. like ball was stuck in there making him feel choked up and hot but not enough to die, just enough to suffer.

and just like that,days lost their colours, meanings and tae tried to lose memories of the boy he loved so much. first love stays the longest they say, well tae sure hopes it's not true because without his first love word suddenly lost it's meaning.

it will be fine they say. time heals wounds they say. and it did. it healed taehyung but when he suddenly, accidentally sees the black haired male he still gets nervous, but it's natural and it happens rarely so we don't need to worry now, do we?

some fairy tales just don't have much meaning, or characters, or plot. neither does it have proper meaning and ending but there is always an epilogue. in where we see what we ought to see. in a way life continues, it goes fast and doesn't wait for you, it doesn't have time for your regrets and longing. but in a way the peace makes you adapt to it and makes you stronger. not always though... not always, sometimes you just were not meant to be.

maybe tae is just calming himself down by writing those words down. guess we won't know it either. but there is one more chapter which tae hopes holds epilogue.