Chapter 20

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*Emma's POV*

I had just left work and was walking home when I started to feel like someone was watching me. I glanced around but didn't see anything out of the ordinary, just holding my bag more securely and walking a bit faster. I knew I was probably paranoid, but I just couldn't shake that feeling.

I headed to Killian's shop instead of home, taking a different route than usual just to be safe. Not only was it a public place that I was very familiar with, but Killian was there the majority of the time that it was open. It was relatively busy when I walked in, but I managed to snag the sofa by the windows and started watching for anything strange outside.

"Swan?" I heard behind me, nearly jumping out of my skin and looking up to find Killian behind me. "You're whiter than a fresh sail, love, what's wrong?"

"It's nothing," I sighed, shaking my head and looking back out the window. "I'm fine."

"No," he said as he sat down on the other side of the sofa behind me, his hand coming to rest on my shoulder. "I've seen that look on your face before, what are you so afraid of?"

"When I came out of work," I started, turning my back to the window and relaxing my posture when he wrapped his arm around me. "I-I don't know, it felt like someone was following me but I think I'm just paranoid."

"You don't strike me as that type," he said with concern, pulling me closer and looking outside. "Let me get someone else to close for me tonight and I'll take you home."

"Killian," I stopped him, taking his free hand in mine. "Don't. I'll be fine. This is your business, I'm not going to get in the way because I have a bad feeling."

"My business is doing quite well, Emma, I'm not worried about it. What I am worried about is you," he stopped, looking pained as he continued more quietly. "As I've told you, I know you can handle yourself, but I haven't seen you look this afraid of anything in nearly a year."

"Fair point," I sighed, feeling utterly defeated. "But only today. If this happens again I'm not letting you drop anything."

Killian got everything covered and we left, but the moment I stepped outside I got that same feeling in the pit of my stomach. My heart started racing and it felt like I couldn't take in a full breath. Even the comforting hand in mine could only do so much on the walk home that felt ten times as long as usual. As soon as my apartment door closed behind us he went to hang up our jackets and I started to break.

"What-" he started to ask something but must have just seen me trying desperately to lock and chain the door with hands so shaky it hurt to try holding them still. "Emma, it's okay."

"It's not," I insisted, frustrated both with my hands and the tears running steadily down my face. "Nothing is okay."

"Hey," his hand was suddenly on mine, chaining the door before pulling me away from it and putting his hands on my cheeks. "I promise you, it's alright. What happened? You seemed just fine a few minutes ago."

"But I wasn't," I shook my head, not even trying to stop the tears anymore. "I couldn't breathe enough to do anything but walk. I hate this. I hate it and its making me hate myself."

"Why in God's name would you hate yourself?" Killian asked, looking genuinely confused. "There's not a single thing wrong with you. You have no control over this."

"That's my point," I sobbed, unsure how to make him understand. "I spent years living in a constant state of fear, I let it rule my life, but since I met you it's gotten so much easier every day not to- until today. Today I've become a slave of my fear all over again. Today... I'm weak."

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