Putting Thoughts On Paper

Parents

So things have been falling out with my family. They took my games, my phone, all ability to contact others, and now have taken away my personal laptop. Discord is blocked on my school computer, the entire screen is monitored constantly, I can't listen to any music, and YouTube is blocked as well..I no longer have anything. No outside contact, no meaning, nothing to distract myself with, and no freedom whatsoever.

My head is constantly filled with curses and yelling, voices telling me that I am nothing. That I will never amount to anything, and I will never be the daughter my parents want me to be. At least one of those parts is right...

I'm sure by now they wish I was someone else. They wish I could be more like some of my friends. They wish that I wasn't myself, and that I could change at will. I'm not obedient. I'm a liar. I'm rude. I'm all of those things in their eyes. They've taken everything from me because I'm not who they want me to be. I can't do as I am told. Well you know what?

Screw it. Forget them. Who needs them anyway?
I do. The REAL me needs them. But they don't need me.

No matter how many times they tell me they love me, it feels empty. As though they're saying it just to make me believe that it's true. They tell me that I can tell them anything I have going on, yet they bash me because my problems now aren't as bad as things were for them when they were kids. They tell me that they will always support me, yet they get mad at the very idea of me being sad over nothing. 

So maybe they did bring me into this world, but can they not just respect the fact that I'm human too? That I need human interaction as much as they do? I have things that I need to distract myself with so that the bad thoughts don't return, but they've taken everything. This has been running since early December of last year. The bad thoughts are back, but this time I may not be able to get rid of them as easily..