(errors and typos ahead..
Open for criticism)
"2nd Place in poster making National level, no other than Ms. Samantha Kim Lavador from St. Bernard Academy!!!"
I hear applauses and see happy faces while I'm walking on my way to the stage with my teacher. Seeing her smile I know that she's so proud of me.
Watching the judges and anyone in front.. I know, they are so happy for the result of this contest.
" You deserve to be awarded hija, congratulations" Sabi Ng Isang Judge sabay pakikipagkamay sa akin. I then smiled at him and to everyone who is looking at me right now.
I then turn around and smiled.
Nakakaproud, at nakakatouch the way they look at me, I'm not the first but I know how proud they are.
FAST FORWARD.....
After 2 hours,
Pagkadating namin sa school , they welcome me and celebrated my winnings, for them I already win, and yun din ang nararamdaman ko. I feel blessed because they are happy of the results.
After celebration umuwi na ako from school and naabutan ko ang pamilya kung kumakain
My mom catch my eyes so I smiled at her and raise my silver medal Ang my certificate.
I did wait for her response but instead of congratulating me , she just continue eating. I draw near at them and they all look at me. And I said
"I won the second place in the contest and everyone so proud of me , di niyo Rin ba ako icocongratulate?"sabay ko pang ngiti sa kanila.
And hoping inside na sana icongratulate din nila ako. I tried my best in the contest for my dad's reputation and for my self's success, But my dad just said
"you failed me again"
Yeah, I already know he will tell me that again, I'm not the first, so how can he be proud. He's a great artist sikat siya sa Bansa because of his greatness , but I'm not that great like him in terms of arts.
"I received your grades earlier by email, ano na Naman ba ginagawa mo para mag low ang grades mo?! from 95-91?!! and sa science pa talaga? Are you going to ruin my honour?" My mom said
"N-no I don't, I-i became busy in practicing for this contest mom. And I'm weak in science" I explained
"So here's your lousy explanations again
Bakit ka ba nagkakaganyan, back when you were in elementary , you followed everything we say , but now! Your being stubborn, your being disobedient! " She yelled and then slapped me
My brother grabbed me far from my mom and my elder sister stopped my mom from going near at me. Hinatid ako Ng kapatid ko sa kwarto ko and said.
"Ate sa susunod , sundin mo nalang sila para Wala nang gulo" he sadly smiled at me. I then entered my room silently
I failed again . I failed Everytime. They never see my success, they always see my wrongs, my imperfections. They never see my worth , they never appreciated my hard work. That's my family. My dad is a great artist, my mom is a great surgeon, my sister is in the college top rank in business management department and my brother is a grade 8 student who always top 1 in his class, me?...Im honor student but ranked as top 3 in class, always second place in arts thats why for them Im nothing.
I sobbed inside my room silently, hugging my favorite pillow that was given to me by my mom and dad back when I was in grade 3. I got the first rank and it made them so proud of me and I received gifts and this pillow is my favorite.
All my life I was forced to do everything to gather fame, to make them proud but it's really hard to make them proud of me its so much pressure. For them I'm a total loser. I make better in creating mistakes than making them proud.
I gained fame and honour in school but for them it's not enough.
"Good job!" ,
"Ang galing mo" ,
" Sana kasing galing din Kita"
"idol na Kita"
"nakakaproud ka"
Thats what I always received in school, in places we're I have been appreciated but here in home
"Try to be better",
"you failed again",
"stop wasting your time for nothing, go study harder",
"study!" ,
"Stop making excuses go work hard, study hard!",
"your a failure",
"thats not enough",
"you never been better"
Instead of congratulating or just appreciating my efforts, i receive nothing but some judgements of my imperfections and pure pressure. Im a failure to them. I may have many awards, rewards, medals, certificates but I never been completely happy for my accomplishments.
Then naisip ko kumuha ng yellow paper and write something before getting a knife i hid under my bed.
I wanna be free, free from judgements, free from the pressure they gave me, free from anything. I wanna go away, not that Im running away but i want to feel free from anything. And then i close my eyes And murmured the words I wrote on the paper " I LOVE YOU MOM AND DAD THATS WHY I TRIED, TRIED AND TRIED BUT SORRY IM TIRED". And after that I kill myself.
-end-
