not a book in the works but a cry for help?

send help. i wouldnt ask if i werent desperate.

Hi there. Before i start with anything, i want to thank anyone even beginning to take time to read my story. I know that time is precious, so i thank you immensely for caring enough to simply read this. My name is Jocelyn, roughly 8 or 9 years ago when i was 18 i was officially diagnosed with a severe case of PTSD, my doctor and my psychiatrist had been guessing for some time before that but didnt make an actual diagnosis until i turned 18 to be sure they were correct. My PTSD is caused from sexual abuse that started at age 6/7 that specific situation lasted close to 2 years until i finally chose to stay with my father full time and no longer go around my mother due to her boyfriend and what he had put me through. I was mostly confused for a long time about it due to my age so i kept everything bottled up inside for years and years. I then had another extremely serious encounter with sexual abuse when i was almost 17 at a party where a man forced himself on me while multiple people did nothing but croud around like it was some kind of movie. And shortly after i lost my step mom to cancer after being my best friend since i was 2 years old and the only person i opened up to about everything and that was a point where i didnt think i could recover from. But ive learned alot, im 27 now and regularly take medicine for my PTSD. I still suffer from extremely bad flash backs but they have gotten a little better now that i stay on top of medication. Although when around even the nicest men ive ever met may it be a friend or significant other, they do seem to get worse, im still a work in progress. But a little over a year ago my doctor suggested for me to get a puppy, one from a breed that is easily trained for a service dog, and suggested it be a bigger breed for example, german shepherd, Rottweiler(i grew up with Rottweiler dogs and they are extremely smart and easily trained and very lovey), or ever a lab or golden retriever. He told me, like i said to get it as a puppy so that i could train it to fit my needs and train it to help me and also protect me/help me finally feel more comfortable living on my own. I have a yard and sadly already have most necessities needed for the first few weeks of having it like wet and dry food, a bed, a collar, a leash, a small kennel (small because i will only be using it for the beginning while its still small. Wont be needing it after a few weeks because i dont like to use kennels at all as it is) food and water bowls, flea collar just incase, too many toys, and treats to immediately start training, and a clicker to try out clicker training, etc. But then covid came around and my hours at work almost disappeared completely and the 600 to almost 1000 dollar price of a healthy puppy became way too much especially if i wanted to stay in my living situation and keep attending the classes i am taking for college online. So here i am, doing the one thing i hate doing(asking anybody for even a dime is completely out of my character) but at this point im desperate and have a harder and harder time being alone and not knowing if im for sure safe and would appreciate the help to get me a puppy to start training asap so that i can finally not only have a dog that helps with the battle im fighting, but also give me a best friend that i can always count on being by my side and help put a smile on my face for once. Again thank you for reading this, especially if you got to the end. Reading this and even caring enough to read all the way through is more than i could ask for in the first place but if you actually find yourself able to donate, i will forever be greatful and appreciative. Much love❤

https://gofund.me/795b1605