it's a storm outside and i wish you were here, holding me in your arms as tight as you can. there's no "us" anymore, but the thought of you brings me comfort, the thought of you brings my soul the long desired peace. the rainbow after the storm is never gonna come and the sun is missing, just like us. my heart is emptier and heavier than ever and i'm trying to let out a breath i didn't know i was holding. it starts to rain when i start to think of you and i hate living life with an umbrella over my head because i'm afraid you might get all over me again. i think i'll always be afraid to see you and how easily you could dig back into my life along with how difficult it would be to pull you back out. you are the first thing that has made the word "love" feel exactly how it sounds. in my view, love is heavy and light, bright and dark, hot and cold, sick and healthy, asleep and awake. it's everything except what it truly is. my heart has been yours for so long as i can't even call it mine anymore. even when you no longer have pages to turn in our chapter, even when i have no more words, i'll love you until time stops. yes, very very far from now, i could fall for someone new. nevertheless it could never be the same way i loved you. but all i know is that you broke me. and then you saved me, in every way i could've been saved. maybe you weren't the one for me, but deep down i wanted you to be and i need to stop believing that out of billions of people on this earth, we are meant for each other. i'll never forget you nor what we had. i don't say a word, but still, you take my breath and steal the things i know. there you go, saving me from out of the cold. you are all my daydreams and i'm afraid that you will know, so give me something to hold onto when you're letting go. i refuse to flip to the next chapter because i know you aren't in it. i saved the nights for you knowing the moon was your favorite. the stars cheered us on, but just like you, the moon left too, so now my nights feel empty down our favorite avenue. i didn't fall in love with you because i was lonely or lost. i fell in love with you because when i bonded with you for the first time, it was the only time i ever wanted to make someone a permanent part of my life, my world. i feel as though i am ice and you are fire. we are so completely different, yet the same. your eyes are the prettiest eyes i've ever seen so far. i used to love blue eyes until i saw your deep brown eyes and fell in love with them. your smile is the brightest and most perfect smile. everything about you is just in place. your perfume essence is everywhere as i feel like you're everywhere. you were not the one who got away, but rather the one who could not stay, the one who could not handle the love i was trying to give you, the love you were looking for. i think we may always be a little drawn to each other, because what else can you do when your love story was never finished? when there are pages still not read, how do you just put it down? we will always be unfinished and that's okay, because not every love story has a happy ending, but our love story is more than that. it's everything i've ever wanted, everything i've ever needed. in my loneliness, i'm slowly dying, waiting for you. just because i want you to come back doesn't mean you will and i probably shouldn't say this, but i can't help that i still think of you. i saw butterflies flying from the garden of your mind and i wanted to catch them, to make their house inside my stomach, but my ribs looked just like a cage and they got stuck in there, fluttering their wings and scattering the dust of the stars in my heart. after that, the oceans harshly started to flow in my veins and i realized you were no longer mine. but at the end of the day, i knew all the pain was worth it. two souls don't just meet for no reason, but i assume you already knew that, and you can't be heartbroken if you aren't in love.
i never understood why i always plan so far ahead for something that is not in clear view. creating fantasies and expectations of you, being my savior prince who has not saved me yet. your horse going in the wrong direction while i'm trapped in the tower of my mind waiting for someone to stop by. i guess some things never change. everyone told me not to touch this kind of love that is dancing through rose thorns and right below lighting storms but i'll never meet it in car conversation and pin dropped locations even if hearts don't end up collided, however, i think it's still love even if it's unrequited. and now, the sweet agony song, letting me know my hell is going to be living without you. but please remember, where you're not, i'm not either.
-for him, my fav stranger<3
