Dizzy on the Comedown

VI.

Hold my hand, you can follow my lead.

You're like a ballerina, 

twirling right 'round on your feet.

And watching is so fantastic.

On fall break, he completed his promise about visiting her. This time, he brings his friends along.

HJ was never a social butterfly, so he doesn't have many friends to begin with, much less to tell stories to about his life or his background or, well, his stupid big crush on the girl he's visiting that he tells his friends is just his "friend from Jakarta".

So when one of his friend, Juni, one of the three Indonesian exchange student that befriended him joined his California trip and started hitting on Naura, all he could do was sit restless on the sofa of the living room her flat provided, eyes drifting once in a while to them talking over the beer pong game in her backyard.

"Are you just going to let him get her before you?" Karina, her flat mates who can read him a little too well for his comfort sat herself down beside him. "Cause if you are, I might as well shoot my shot with you."

"Thanks, but I'm not interested."

"Yeah, cause she's all you ever think about." She rolled her eyes. "Cmon, man up. Letting your new friend who just knew her yesterday flirt with her more than you have for like, the past three years, is a loser's move."

He raised his brows, "How did you know about the three years thing?"

As if it was her signature move, Karina rolled her eyes. "I'm her bestfriend. She tells me everything. She's not clueless about your feelings, you know."

"Really?" HJ sipped the drink he had in his hand, now run down with the melted ice because he was too focused on Naura. "Guess she just doesn't feel the same, then."

"I can't believe this," stealing the drink he had in his hand, she drank the whole cup before cringing and then standing up to lecture him. "Does she look like she's not interested in you? You two facetime each other like, fourteen hours a _fucking_ day. She asks if you're going to visit her during holidays and complain to me if you tell her you can't . She cries when she feels like she cant cheer you up because you're a plane ride way. And you think she doesn't feel the same?"

It took a few seconds for him to process the new information Karina delivered, and even then he didn't know what to say. Karina beats him by saying: "I'm gonna re-fill our drinks. By the time I get back, you better have a reason on why you're letting your little exchange friend have too much fun with her."

Karina didn't come back because she was busy taking care of the other flatmate who was throwing up in the toilet, but HJ did think about the answer to her question.

He doesn't believe she feels the same.

Naura is a creature of habit; she likes repeating a routine, finds comfort in familiarity. And maybe she wants him around for exactly that: familiarity.

He was, after all, an anchor to the life she had in Jakarta, a life she had before she came here. She can tell stories to him without having to explain their background, their dynamics with her because he knows those people as well. He knows Shaquille, he knows Ray, he knows Ean, he knows Naraja. 

And so he believes in the thought that she doesn't feel the same. 

Because if she did, she wouldn't be standing outside there with her new friends, but sitting next to him. Because if she feels the same, she'd be in his arms, without him having to ask. Therefore he sits restlessly still in the sofa, watching her laugh to the jokes Juni tells.

She looks as beautiful as ever, and that was all he could focus on until he realizes they were talking in fluent Indonesian. Somehow, that was what ticked him off enough to get him standing up from the sofa he glued himself in.

He stood behind her, reaching out to hold her hand, and leading her to throw the ping pong ball.

He felt her freeze. He realized the sudden tension. He heard the questioning whispers.

But even as the ball gets thrown and hits the bottom of the red cup on the other side of the table, he didn't let go of her.

"This is new." She says with an odd tone, but she rests her back on his chest anyway and let him circle her arms around her waist anyway. "I like it."

He has never done this before. Never been this bold before. But the second he heard her positive confirmation, he smiled, kissing the top of her head form the back.

No more watching her form afar, then.