Dizzy on the Comedown

VIII.

Now, collapse.

Take delight in the fall,

and catch your breath.

I know you feel the ring from it.

He was cooking a hangover breakfast for her when the text came.

what does the new year kiss make us?

HJ stared at his phone, and then the closed bedroom door of his apartment. After a few seconds of hesitation, he called out. "I cooked breakfast, we can talk over it if you want."

There was a loud bang like something slammed.

"Are you okay?" He asked in concern when he heard her groan.

"I'm fine," she says. A few footsteps later he heard his bedroom door locks turning, but instead of it opening like he expected, the door stayed shut. She locked him out. "Can you just answer my text?"

He walked over and sat in front of the door, resting his back on it.

Is this a 'what are we' question?

Naura squealed from the other side of the door. The noise was almost too little to hear, but she didn't seem to realize that he was sitting right outside. 

The choice is yours to make

He held his breath the whole time he saw her typing on his screen, holding back from jumping to open the door and lose his apartment deposit just to hear her answer as soon as possible.

He doesn't even care that he wouldn't get the answer he wanted. To be fair, HJ has long forgotten what he wanted in exchange for what she needs anyway, so even if she rejects him right there and then despite everything they've been through, he'll take it. He'd still let her eat the breakfast he cooked, still let her ask him to hug her to sleep, still let her stay at his apartment whenever she wishes, even if his throat hurts whenever he tries holding back from asking too much from her.

He swallowed when his phone vibrated, an answer coming in. He didn't immediately look at it, and instead sent a silent prayer to whatever higher being can help him.

just kinda surreal to officially have a boyfriend after all these years

At that point, there was nothing stopping him from jumping to his feet, although he still tried to hold back his own scream of victory. Three years. Three years of waiting, and he's finally hers.

"You know, if you're as excited as you are in texts, why can't I hear you screaming or something?" she questioned suddenly, making him stop from his silent jumping. "Are you lying to me?"

"I jumped off this apartment out of excitement, that's why you can't hear me," he joked, typing his answer to her text. You dont know how long ive waited to hear you say im your boyfriend.

"You're so cheesy," she laughed, the same time he received an answer from her. emang dari kapan lo nungguin jadi pacar gue? HAHAHAHAH

Clouded by the euphoria of it all, HJ sent his answers with little to no judgement.

Since i saw you crying when you stepped out of ruang teater followed by naraja. Grade 11.

The door swinged open then, shocking him twice after realizing what he had told her.

"What do you mean?" she asked, livid. "You- you've known all along?"

"Yes," he said, matter-of-factly. "Yes, I've known all along."

Naura didn't know what to say, arms flinging around to express her disbelief. Every step that she took from the door of his bedroom to the living room's sofa was powered with such irritation that the floor thudded, and when she sat herself down, the loose messy bun she had on her hair fell off completely. "Explain."

He sat down beside her, but didn't take the risk of going near, wanting to give her space still.

"I told you last night about the fact that I've waited three years for you," he began. "I think you're too drunk to remember anything-"

"I remember everything."

"Okay, yeah, three years..." he faltered, his train of thoughts gone after she interrupted him with her fact, trying to remember where he should began his story. "I think you know the first time we talked was when you borrowed me your hair tie, and I've liked you ever since. I know I joke about it a lot, but it's true. And I didn't make a move because I thought you're happy with being alone. I mean, you seem content enough even though both of your bestfriends are dating and you rejected everyone so I just thought... I just didn't want to bother you with my feelings.

And then I saw you one day in grade 11, you were crying when you got out of the theater's room,  You know the stairs to third floor after theater's room? I sit there when I skip classes with Felix and my other friends. That was when I saw you. I wanted to ask what happened, but then Naraja came out too and... well, lets just say that confused me. And then I started noticing that you two... You have something going, but no one seems to know about it, and that meant you didn't want anyone to know, so I played along.

But I got fed up with it when you told me about what had happened. It's... it's fucked up, what he did. I hated seeing you cry and I hated that I can't do anything about it, but I know it's not a battle that I should meddle in. And I'm proud that you can get out of it, I really am. It's all that I've ever wanted, Naura. I wouldn't put my feelings before you. So I waited, and now here we are."

Tense silence took place between them as Naura processed HJ's explanation, trying to fit it all into her hungover mind. 

"I don't get it," she voiced her thoughts at last. "Why would you love me this much?"

Instead of waiting for his answer, she threw herself at him and buried her face into his chest, bursting out into tears. All he could do was wrap his arms around her shoulders while fixing her messy hair. "I don't know why. I just do."

They stayed in that position for a long time, Naura occasionally sniffing.

"Naura," HJ began once she calmed down. "I'm telling you that because you asked, but I'm not gonna use that as a leverage for you to return your feelings. I'm not forcing anything from you, I can wait for another three years if I had to. I need to know that this... what we have now, isn't a product of guilt."

Naura hit his back with her fist. "You're so annoying."

He laughed. "Why, thank you."

"Of course this isn't guilt or whatever," she mumbled into his chest. "You know, three years is a long wait. I'm honored and all, but I still think you're dumb for waiting that long."

HJ hummed in agreement. "It's worth it."

"I'm glad it's you," Naura's words came out quick and rushed, like saying it embarrassed her. "I'm so fucking glad it's you."

And after the words she said along with the unsaid ones sinked through the tighter hug and the quick peck of her lips on his, she was the first to let go of the hug,  standing up and walking over to the sink to wash her face. "Where's the breakfast you said you cooked?"