Everything I Wanted (Book 2) (Major Editing)

17. Heartbreak

Josephine's POV
*2 weeks later*

I can't feel anything anymore. It's all numb and it feels like I can't even move, or breath without hurting. I feel like I've lost all hope, like we've lost all hope. Holding him in my arms, it hurt so much because he was there but he wasn't. I never wanted to let him go because he was everything that I wanted, he was so perfect, he was everything. And when the time came to actually give him up, I cried so much as the doctor pried him from my shakey hands. We had his funeral two days after I got out of the hospital. Hero stayed silent, holding and hugging me as I cried when they sang at his memorial. He shed a few tears, trying so hard to hold it together so that he could be there for me.

My mom and sister were so heartbroken, they hugged me, making me cry even more. They tried to be there for me but all I wanted was Hero by my side as I held my baby boy again. When Hero and I finally came home today from my mums after staying a couple of weeks with her, and I fell asleep by his side, still crying. When I woke up in the middle of the night, he wasn't there beside me. When I got up to look for him, I saw a sliver of light amongst the darkness in the hallway, and it was coming from the room that was supposed to be Audens' nursery. I walked closer to the door and I looked through the cracked door, seeing Hero sitting in the rocking chair by his crib, holding one of the stuffed animals that Hero bought when he found out that I was pregnant. He was holding onto it as he rocked slowly back and worth. When I got a closer look at his face, he had tears covering his face and some that had fallen onto his bare chest. He had multiple tears rolling down his face but he was so silent. He wasn't whimpering, or sniffleing, he was just sitting there, looking at the toy with tears falling from his eyes.

I push the door open slowly and his face looks at me slowly. He has dark circles under his blood red eyes. His green eyes full of sadness and heartbreak, a lot like mine have been since the day we lost him. I walk over to him slowly and he wipes away his tears but some fall back onto his face. I stand in front of him and he doesn't look up at me, instead, he fixates his eyes on the little yellow rabit that's in his hands. I lift my hand up to his face, brushing it across his cheek and wiping away the tears that are rolling down his face.

"Come back to bed." I say quietly and I hear him sigh. He shakes his head slightly and I grab his chin, softly lifting it up to look at me. "Hero, you need to sleep. So come back to bed." I tell him quietly and he closes his eyes for a few seconds. "I can't." He chokes out and I look at him confused.

"What do you mean that you can't?" I ask him and he opens his eyes, looking at me with hurt in his eyes.

"I can't sleep. Everytime that I close my eyes, I see him. I see him lying in your arms, not moving or breathing. It hurts me to see it and I can't anymore." He says and I put both of my hands on his face, cupping his cheeks.

"You need to sleep, even if it does hurt. So, come on. Come back to bed." I tell him and I drop my hands to his that still haven't let that toy go.

I slowly pull it from his hands, even though he doesn't want to let it go at first but he lets go and I look at it. I can't see where everything went wrong, this was supposed to be our life.

I sigh, putting it back in the crib and when I turn back to Hero, he is looking at the bouncy swing that is hanging in the corner. I walk back over to him, grabbing his hand and try to pull him up but he doesn't budge.

"Come on Hero, lets go to bed." I say and he looks up and me, nodding a little and then slowly standing up.

I intertwine our fingers, and I pull him out of the nursery, lookingback at the room before closing the door with a sigh. Hero and I walk down the hall back to our bedroom and when I open the door, Hero just stands there in the doorway. He looks so lost, like he doesn't even know where he is or where he belongs.