When the Waves Crash (SEQUEL) *ON HOLD*

CH. 9 - Déjà vu

Christian and I walked into Perry's and I felt a slight cold breeze embrace me. Goosebumps subtly swept over my arms. I quickly put my blazer on as Christian approached the front desk. I could see him speaking to the restaurant host but his words faded as I got lost in my thoughts.

This felt painfully familiar.

My eyes darted back to Christian as he smiled at me, gesturing me to walk with him to our table. I followed closely behind him as I glanced around the restaurant. Was it too late to tell Amelia I was already repeating history? She was right. Here I was, at another fancy restaurant with the brother of the man who created this sense of déjà vu in the first place.

Christian and I were seated at a table for two next to the restaurant's vast wine storage cabinet enclosed by glass walls. I blankly stared at the menu in front of me, remembering my dinner date with Danny in Vegas.

"Nadia, are you okay?" I snapped out of my thoughts, quickly glancing up at Christian as he lightly smiled at me. "You look, distressed." He chuckled.

"Um," I awkwardly laughed. "I'm-I'm okay. I just got lost in my memories." I sheepishly responded.

Christian furrowed his eyebrows in curiosity. "Does this remind you of something?"

I nervously bit my lip, sighing as I briefly looked away from him. "Just this one time I went out for dinner with Danny." I admitted. "I guess you two have a thing for fancy restaurants." I lightheartedly joked.

Christian softly laughed but I could see the hint of sadness in his eyes that he tried to hide whenever Danny was mentioned. He was still hurting.

I slightly turned my head to the right, seeing someone eagerly approaching our table at the corner of my eye. I fully acknowledged them, realizing it was our waitress. I politely smiled at her as she returned the gesture. "Hi! My name is Zoey, I'll be your server for the night." She cheerfully beamed. "How are you two doing?"

"Good, good." Christian and I smiled at her in unison. "How are you?" Christian kindly asked her. "I'm great, thanks for asking!" She turned to look at me, suddenly gasping with a wide smile on her face. "Oh my gosh, your ring is so pretty." I timidly smiled, feeling flattered but before I could even say anything, she turned to Christian. "That was a great ring choice."

Christian and I quickly made eye contact.

"I know right," Christian chuckled avoiding the awkwardness of her mistake. "Thank you."

"Yeah, you're welcome!" Zoey brightly smiled. "You two look lovely together, I hope it's a wonderful wedding." I faked a smile, giggling at her comment. "Aw, you're too kind thank you so much, really." "No problem, no problem."

Zoey finally took our orders after a couple more fake laughs and empty smiles. We waited until she was out of sight. Christian sighed, glancing at me and we broke out in laughter. 

"Well, that just happened." He grinned. 

I playfully scoffed. "Yeah, oh my god," I trailed off, lightly shaking my head. 

"I hope that wasn't too uncomfortable for you." Christian sheepishly smiled. 

"No, no you handled that really well I'll give you that. I could just feel the awkwardness sink in right when she made that mistake. Imagine, it would've been embarrassing for all of us if we told her we weren't actually together."

"Hey, she looked really happy for us," Christian chuckled. "I didn't wanna ruin it." I laughed, flashing him a quick smile.

...

Zoey came back with our drinks and meals and for most of the night Christian and I kept the conversation light. But I couldn't shake off the thought of Danny and the sadness I saw in Christian's eyes.

My eyes cautiously landed on him. "Christian, can I ask you something?" I spoke softly. He nodded. "Sure." I sighed. "How are you holding up? You know, after Danny's death. I've always meant to ask you that. I just-I hope you're not deflecting anything. If you're ever, you know, sad about it you could always talk to me if-if you want to." I warmly smiled.

Christian half-heartedly smiled back at me. "Thanks Nadia." His voice was calm. He took a deep breath, glancing at the wine storage cabinet beside our table. "Um," He nervously laughed, rubbing his hands against his thighs. He blinked a few times to ward away any tears.

"I'm trying to be strong." He admitted. "For my parents, for myself. For you. I-I kinda just wanted to isolate myself from everyone after Danny died. I didn't know what to do. I kept replaying that day in my mind. When I saw him lying there on the concrete, when I held him in my arms. It was really painful." I sorrowfully gazed at him.

"I couldn't even say goodbye to him. The paramedics ripped me away from him. The police officers who were already there had to help me up. They were kind enough to stay with me until I was able to go back to my car." He sniffled. "You know the day I washed my shirt that was covered in his blood, I cried," He chuckled, deterring his emotions.

"I just wonder what would have happened if I had gotten there sooner you know?" His voice slightly broke. "I have all these emotions just bottled up and I don't know when I'm gonna breakdown I just-," He stopped mid-sentence as I put a comforting hand onto his own.

He glanced at my hand on his, looking up at me and I saw the vulnerability in his face.

I gave him a reassuring smile. I sighed. "I'm not gonna tell you it's gonna be okay. Because I know that's not true, not for me, not for you. But I do understand how you feel and your sadness is completely valid. It is okay to let those emotions out though. You don't have to be strong all the time." He faintly smiled at me.

I gently flipped his hand over, slowly intertwining our hands together. "Maybe with time it won't hurt as much." I whispered. "Yeah, I hope so." Christian mumbled. He looked into my eyes and I knew he had something he wanted to say to me. "What is it?" I asked softly.

"How do you forgive him?" Christian frowned, mournfully whispering.

My heart broke as I miserably stared at him trying to find the words to say. "When Danny kidnapped you, did-did he ever..." He grimaced, trailing off and I knew the word that he didn't want to let slip out of his mouth.

"No." I weakly muttered. "He never did. But, he threatened to. I never knew if it was an empty threat or not but I didn't take any chances." I exhaled, successfully holding back any tears. "So, after a while, I stopped trying to fight back." I feebly shrugged and Christian apologetically gazed at me.

"I couldn't hold on to the hate I had for him. It didn't do me any good. So I forgave him. But that doesn't mean I forgot what he did to me."

"Do you think finding Maia will help you feel better?" Christian genuinely asked.

I sighed, relaxing my shoulders. "I don't know, maybe. She took away my chance of knowing why Danny did what he did. Danny made questionable choices yes, but death shouldn't have been the consequence. I'm sure finding her will do more for you than it will for me. And if it helps you feel better, then I'm all for it. I just want the best for you."

"So Christian, I'm ready to go to Arizona whenever you are."