"it's calming in the rain."
isn't that what people say? when they tell me that they're sad, they often end their rants with "i want to go take a walk in the rain".
well, guess what!
it's not true. surprising, isn't it?
i tested the experiment many times when it was raining. if i was feeling especially stressed over something, i would simply open the door and walk out to bask in the cool drops as they hit my skin.
sure, it felt nice sometimes, but it never calmed me down one little bit. nothing really did. i tended to dwell on my stress, and let it fuel me so that i could be more stressed about not doing stuff. it motivated me, in a way, to get stuff done so that there wouldn't be anything left to worry about.
but there was always something.
school projects.
essays.
homework.
friends.
workouts.
everything. everything was so stressful. even talking to people was stressful. they would put their problems on to me, almost as if i was the therapy that they couldn't pay for. and when i would tell them to stop because i needed room, i was the bad person. it was stressful to even maintain some form of friendship.
so i stayed that therapist. i stayed conducting my experiments about rain because i always had that looming thought over me that "maybe it will work next time" or "i wasn't trying hard enough".
even as i looked out my window now, i wondered those two things to myself. the weather report was supposed to be sunny, with no chance of rain whatsoever, but i always felt excited when there was a threat of stormy weather. it made me feel like there were second chances, even though i knew the idea of those really happening in places other than barbie movies was complete insanity.
i needed to stop looking out the window. if i continued, i would be the first person to have a midlife crisis or a come to jesus at the mere age of sixteen. i was too young for that, anyway. i needed something distracting, something made for being in the background when you don't want to think.
i walked over to my record player, which sat with a dusty vinyl already in it. a vinyl that i only listened to when i needed to think about things and cry.
the cure.
from what album, i didn't know. all i knew is that my dad used to like the band, and he passed some vinyls to me one day and said something along the lines of "please do not damage these they are worth a lot of money i think" and then walked off to do something that dads do. so every time that i sit down to have a good cry about how things are going, i always put them on so i can have something in the background and pretend like i'm in some coming of age movie or something.
i placed the needle to the record and practically ran to my bed, jumping onto it and causing some pillows to fall to the ground. i laid my head on my hands and started listening to the music, but not fully. just enough to understand that it was there, and make note of how it sounded.
i remember laying there for quite some time, contemplating the matter of the universe. where was heaven? what was hell? how did people conjure up the universe? why was everything the way it was?
i got a good cry in when i was done thinking too much. it was nice to feel everything sort of slip away for a while, good to hear the sounds of random music coming from a dusty record player i had sitting in my closet on the other side of the room. everything was...nice.
until it wasn't.
there was a knocking at the door. i didn't want to answer it, but i knew that it could be three things:
1. some random stranger trying to kidnap me or kill me like in the movies.
2. my parents; they were at work, and even though they usually wouldn't be home around this time, sometimes the would come home early with some take out.
3. the post man with some random mail for my family to sort through and ultimately leave in a pile somewhere to forget about.
i decided that if it was the post man, i would be able to take what he gave me and sort through it myself to do my parents a favor, and i decided to run downstairs to retrieve it. i didn't bother to look at what i looked like, but since it was most likely someone i'd never dream of seeing again, i decided that how i looked now was fine.
i opened the door, only to be greeted by some lanky stranger. i didn't catch a good look at his face, but i saw his standard blue jacket and mop of blonde hair right away. he looked at me for a second, and then started talking.
"hey, i was wondering if you could turn your music down," he said, his accent strong. "i'm trying to do something, and it's very loud, so i was wondering if you could please maybe consider turning it-"
"no." i slammed the door in his face and walked away, only to turn my music up louder when i got to my room. whoever he was, he should know that when i listen to the cure, i only have it loud.
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(a/n):
hiya! okay so yes yes this is a tommyinnit fanfic. it is going to be RESPECTFUL, meaning nothing of the gross nature because he has stated multiple times that he's uncomfortable with that and my respect for him is very high.
anyway, i really hope you like this one. i want to try to update as much as possible... i don't know how often that will be. i will warn people who read this that i do take frequent "hiatus" like breaks where i don't post anything (i'm sorry in advance).
with that set aside, i hope you enjoy the rest of the book!
mwah, kisses!
-rae
YOU ARE READING
new flesh // tommyinnit x reader
Teen Fictionthe first meeting is always the most awkward. based on the song "new flesh" by current joys