Hard deluge drummed the roof of the car. Detective Sureluck Homes and his assistant, Langsteinshirefalom, sat in the back of the vehicle. Sarah, the driver, had called the duo for help in the disappearance of her husband, famed director Darren P. Throat, otherwise known as D.P. Throat. Detective Homes had been busy with his daily "puzzle" when Sarah Throat called. Langsteinshirefalom answered the call, believing Sarah to be the pizza delivery girl. Unfortunately, Sarah was in a similar circumstance. She believed Langsteinshirefalom to be none other than her husband.
"Honey, do you need a change of diapers, or are you alright?" she softly asked.
Langsteinshirefalom stared wide-eyed at Sureluck playing Twister. He shook, awkwardly lifting a thumbs up before collapsing onto the ground. He dusted himself and gestured for Langsteinshirefalom to come closer. Langsteinshirefalom walked forward as he was yanked back by the telephone wire. Detective Homes sighed.
"Tell the pizza girl that we don't want pepperoni anymore. I forgot I was allergic," the detective ordered, focused on replacing his right foot over his left hand without falling.
"If that's a metaphor for pizza, I definitely need a change of toppings," Langsteinshirefalom began, "No pepperoni please."
Sarah misunderstood the situation.
"A change of toppings? Did you have an accident on your top?" she asked.
"Yep, we need to change it ASAP," Langsteinshirefalom spoke, before hanging up.
When Sarah came to the duo's place of work, the two men gave her a tip before taking the bag she held. Langsteinshirefalom then shut the door, whacking Sarah on the face as she yelped. Detective Homes opened the bag to a pile of diapers. He gaped at Langsteinshirefalom with certainty as to the situation which had unfolded.
"This is a threat!" he shouted, pausing to think about the perpetrator, "From the Diaper Killer!?"
Langsteinshirefalom shook his head and slapped Sureluck on his nape. The detective opened the door to see a still dizzy Sarah and pulled her into the room.
"WHO SENT YOU THIS?" he questioned.
Sarah, confused and delirious replied, "Uhm, I did."
Detective Homes swiftly turned to Langsteinshirefalom and barked, "Handcuff her! I believe we've caught the Diaper Killer!"
He then turned to the wall and pointed.
"And YOU helped us."
Langsteinshirefalom leaned past the detective before curiously questioning to whom the detective was speaking with. Sureluck slapped Langsteinshirefalom on the face before throwing the bag of diapers on the floor. They gazed at each other for a moment, basking in the tension. The detective broke away from Langsteinshirefalom's eyes and slipped out a picture of a haggard man.
"THIS is a photograph of the Diaper Killer and I will be comparing it to your face to determine whether or not you are, in fact, the Diaper Killer," Detective Homes spoke, before turning toward Sarah.
"I just wanna know where my husband is," she moped.
"We'll get to that," Langsteinshirefalom muttered.
After seconds of intense deliberation, Detective Homes surmised that Sarah was in fact not the Diaper Killer and that she was instead an ordinary woman with an unordinary husband. Sarah then pleaded for the detective's help in the search for her husband.
"Maybe you should call the pol-" Langsteinshirefalom started before being interrupted b-
"NO NO no nonono, that won't be necessary. We have all the resources right here!" Sureluck rudely interrupted without letting me finish my sentence.
YOU ARE READING
A Collection of Short Stories
RandomThis is merely a collection of short stories I wrote over the years.
