Just a little bit

Disappointed

I dont know what the fuck im feeling anymore. its like i want to hold your hands, hug you but at the same time i want to hit you, punch you, yell at you and make you feel a little bit of the pain you made me feel. i guess this is the worst feeling, love and hate at the same time. i laugh, hang out with friends, i smile everyday. but i spend everynight thinking of you, crying because of you. i still remember every single word you wrote and said. i still remember every single thing you did for me. they are stuck in my brain and you are stuck in my heart. little mistake that you made, still cant heal the broken trust that i have. its hard to trust to love when you know how it feels to get broken. that war between my brain and my heart. i dont know how to get you out of my mind, i dont know how to move on but i know should move on. but, the heart wants what it wants. its need time to heal what was broken and its not that easy like to say 'yes or no' its like feel and trying forget about that accident. its not my fault that i still remember what you done and its really hurt. whenever i look at you or even just see the text photo or everything about you. its like the hurt the heartache coming up with tears. the tragedy when i know you know, all the lies that you've been told me. its still hurt so hurt, its like the film in my brain starting remember all the things, the moment, the happiness when im with you and all broke. the sunshine already changed with the grey rainy cloud and they dont know how to search the sun anymore. im lost im broken and maybe its just about a little trust who get broken. to you its easy to get your way back but for me its takes time. i get terrified im so afraid to feel lose, to feel replaced, to feel that when you knew all the trust and all the promise its just a lie. its nothing its never be something. and im just wondering and fall in love with the lies on everything.

'Udah lah ra emang mungkin dia bukan buat lo' ucap jeje lagi nenangin gue.Engga gue bukan lagi kesurupan tapi, gue lagi nangis.Iya nangis karna izza.Mending gue kesurupan kunti beranak dalam kubur dari pada nangisin izza.

'gue masi ga nyangka aja jee' ucap gue terseduh seduh. anjir geli lebay nih-.-.

TOK TOK
'siapaaa?' tanya jeje

'ini gue james, boleh masuk?' sahut ka jey

'masuk ajaa' ucap jeje

'lah lu kenapa ege de? kelilipan?' tanya james kaya orang tablo-_-.

'PALA LU BAU MENYAN KELILIPAN. NANGIS WOI NANGIS HIH OKE THANKS JE THANKS' ucap gue emosi sambil jerit jerit.

'weh kalo lagi nangis tuh ngomongnya pelan pelan. liat tuh ingus lu jadi tercecer kemana mana kan. nanti gue lagi yang repot' ucap james.

'sialan-_- ok fix rara kesel!' ucap gue

'geli anjir lo wkakwa. eh tp serius lo knp nangis?' tanya james dengan nada seriusnya.

'geli anjir gausa diserius seriusin tampang lo kaya homo. gue diselingkuhin sm izza' ucap gue dengan muka flat

'WAH WAH NYARI PERKARA SI IZZA YE SM GUE. UDAH GAMAU SALIM KETEMU GUE EH SELINGKUHIN ADEK GUE SOK KEGANTENGAN AMAT TUH COWO' ucap james emosi

'bang bang kalo ngomong jangan pake kuah napa. muncrat nih ke muka aye(?)-_-' ucap jeje

'oh iya iya maapmaap' ucap james.

'yaudah lah lupain aja masi banyak ikan dilaut' ucap james

'lah emang banyak bang ikan dilaut' ucap gue

'ye lola dasar maksud gue tuh cowo bukan dia doang banyak. Gausa di tangisin lah kaya apaan aja' ucap james. iya juga ya-_-

'yauda jangan sedih sedih kalo ada apa apa jangan di sembuyiin dri gue ya.' ucap james seraya berjalan untuk keluar.

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Sekarang udah jam istirahat. Gatau kenapa hari ini gue ga ada niat sekolah sama sekali.