[JENLISA] Age of Death

Chapter 15

I got a message from Jennie fifteen minutes later, and spent the next 30 minutes panicking in my bathroom. One minute I was sure I could take things further with Jennie, and the next I worried about the repercussions of doing so. Hoony's words bounced around in my head: "If you hook up with her and she dies, you'll be miserable. With that said... If you don't hook up with her and she dies, you'll be miserable and you'll regret it."

But if I kiss Jennie, it mean more to me than just hooking up with some pretty girl. I was beginning to wonder how I could ever live my life happily after losing her. She become my friend.

I put my hair up so that if I decided to get into the water I could still keep it dry. Then I changed into my favorite swim wear. When I was done, I tried to ignore the anxious feeling in my chest, and closed my eyes as I rested my hand on my stomach. I remembered the last night with mom; the nausea I'd felt before she'd gone out. I couldn't tell if I was feeling that now, or if this was just regular butterflies.

I made sure to talk to Jennie's parents before we left. They didn't feel very comfortable with where we were going, especially so soon after her near-drowning, but I think that they, like me, had trouble saying no to her more often than not. And she seemed so excited to go out; she was practically bouncing up and down with anticipation and had packed an entire backpack full of stuff to take with us.

Once we were on our way in my car, she caught sight of the book I'd left on the center console and scoffed. "You are so not reading this whole time. You have to get in the water."

"Not past my waist," I decided.

"Chest?" she bargained. I shook my head. "Okay, what about mid- stomach?"

"Maybe."

"Hey, don't be nervous. We're just hanging out. Nothing bad is gonna happen."

I changed the subject, uncomfortable. "Do you think we should've brought Kuma? He's been cooped up a lot lately."

"Oh, I didn't even think of that! We should've!" She frowned.

"Well, we'll take him next time. He definitely needs to get out of the house more. I've been meaning to keep him active, but, um..." She shrugged her shoulders and finished, "Well, I've been spending a lot of time with you."

Words failed me, and I turned the music on to avoid an awkward silence. Jennie stretched beside me and then idly turned to look out of her window, her fingernails tapping against the door as she rested her arm on top of it.
We reached the spot by the water all too soon, and she set down her backpack and unzipped it. Out came two blankets, sandwiches, apples, and a pair of sunglasses. She slipped the last over her eyes and grinned at the look on my face.

"You came prepared," I marveled. "Are we having a picnic?"

"Not officially. Too cliché. But you're welcome to a sandwich and an apple." She tossed them to what was then deemed my blanket, and then promptly stretched out across her own, letting out a satisfied sigh. That only lasted a second, as she popped up into a sitting position abruptly and reached for the backpack again. "Oh, right. Forgot sunscreen. I put it in the front pocket. I fry like a lobster." She squirted out a handful and then offered me the bottle.
I shook my head, turning it down. "I'm okay. I don't burn easily."

"Lucky," she sighed out. I sat down on my blanket, which she placed directly next to hers, and watched her rub the sunscreen onto her arms, legs, shoulders, and stomach before she laid back down again and smirk over at me.

"Try not to stare."

I blush. "I wasn't."

She just laughed and looked skyward again. "So if you want to read while we're here, now's the time. Once I get hot, I'm getting into the water, and you're coming with me."
I shook my head again, but reached for my book nonetheless. "Sure."
"I'm serious. It'll be okay."

"You're too adventurous," I told her. "I bet half the reason you want to get back in is just for the thrill of it. Normal people like to avoid places they've nearly died at."

"I think of it more as conquering my fears," she said. "Proving to myself there's nothing to be afraid of. It was an accident, and when it doesn't happen again, I'll have no reason to be afraid. And neither will you."

"Unless it does happen again," I pointed out.

She let out a groan. "Ugh! How many times do I have to tell you that I'm not going anywhere?" She reached over to slap at my arm, teasing, and then went back to tanning. I watched her for a long moment before I open my book to find where I last stopped reading.

Even after a few minutes of peaceful silence, I still couldn't manage to shake the uncomfortable feeling that had been building in my stomach all morning. I set my book aside and asked Jennie, "You've never been in love before, right?"

She lifted her sunglasses to look back at me, curious. "Why?" she asked. "Just wondering."

There was a long pause. "You haven't," she observed. "What makes you think I might have?"

"Because you know what you're doing," I said.

She laughed at that. "Well, I'm glad it seems that way, but no. Never fallen in love, never had my heart broken. All of this is new to me." She paused, blushed, and then amended, "Just to have serious feelings in the first place, I mean. Especially without ever going on a date."

"Isn't this a date?" I joked. She rolled her eyes at me.

"Not unless you eat your sandwich."

I grinned and reached for the baggie that housed my sandwich, then withdrew it and took a bite. As I chewed, I put it back into the bag, sealed it, and then laid back down, facing Jennie again. She studied me as we laid on our sides, and then asked, "Do you want to get into the water?"

I shook my head and responded truthfully. "Not really."

"Well... are you hungry?" she asked. I shook my head again.

"In the mood to tan? Or read?" Another head-shake. She laughed lightly. "Then what are we doing?"

I chewed on my lip and willed myself to stay out of my own head before I could even be sucked in by my thoughts in the first place. My head had failed me thus far. It was time to ignore it, and if I waited all day by the water with Jennie, I knew I wouldn't be able to.

Jennie saw my gaze flicker to her lips, and something changed in the way she looked at me. Her lips parted, and I watched her glance down to mine. My heart began to beat heavily. I looked into Jennie's eyes, and then closed my own and moved in closer before I could overthink it.

The kiss wasn't what I'd expected it to be. I never really kissed anyone before, or at least not in the way Jennie and I kissed. I expected pounding hearts and pure passion and roaming hands, like how it always was in modern movies. It wasn't like that. It was, to describe it in a word, tender.

She reached out to cup my cheek with one hand, and we kissed slowly, gently, until I felt the warmth of her body pressing into mine. She shifted, half-leaning over top of me, and we broke apart as I pulled away to lay flat on my back. I stared up at her and held my breath. Her eyes were a darker shade as she leaned down to kiss me again.

My stomach churned in that uncomfortable way it had earlier, and I realized it had nothing to do with worrying about her and entirely to do with being a nervous girl on her first date.

The realization made me kiss her back harder, and when her hand slid down my bare stomach and settled against my hip I thought I'd die. But then she pulled away again, held her face an inch from mine, and brushed her nose against my own. My eyes fluttered open and I saw her smiling.

"You okay?" she asked me, a certain giddy edge to her tone that made it hard to hold back a smile of my own. I nodded simply and kissed her again.

She planted her hands on either side of my head and shifted onto me, and some gracious part of my brain compartmentalized every single one of my reservations and stored it somewhere I wouldn't access until long after we'd parted. For a moment, I forgot about the heartache that came with loving Jennie, and when it finally did begin to come creeping back into the recesses of my mind later that night, when I was alone in my bed, I ignored it.

Some things were worth aching for.