[JENLISA] Age of Death

Epilogue

Jennie celebrated her birthday in the hospital. I was on my last semester of college when she was discharged.

In addition to the collapsed lung, she had mild concussion, and a broken leg in too many places to tally. Once she was out of the hospital, she had to start physical therapy for that. I immediately began helping as often as I could, between my classes and my new job serving ice cream at the theater.

BoA moved in with me and Dad just a few months after that. I wondered sometimes if she questioned the day I somehow knew I needed to be with Jennie, or if her placing her hand on her stomach had been some kind of indication that she'd felt that same feeling before, too. I knew she couldn't see the numbers, but maybe sensing that something terrible was going to happen to a loved one wasn't something totally exclusive to people like Hoony and me.

Seunghoon-oppa and I continued hanging out at least twice a week. When I wasn't with Jennie, working, or in school, I usually with him ever since I stepped away from that cliff, Hoony was more determined than ever to avoid giving me any more details about my number. I supposed, I wouldn't know what it was until it was time for me to go and I was surprisingly okay with that.

Seeing Jennie's number change didn't make me gain faith in some sort of benevolent omniscient being, but it did change what it was like to be with her. The dark cloud over our relationship vanished. We spent our days enjoying the present, happily, idly pondering the near future. I didn't worry so much about her anymore. Maybe I got a little less cynical. Maybe I smiled a little wider and a little bit more often, and maybe the sky looked a little brighter, the grass a little greener. I had no way of knowing what or who decided how we lived, or how long we lived, or what the consequences of our actions and decisions were.

I certainly would never know. When I die, I wouldn't know what chain of events had led directly to my death, and I wouldn't know what I would've been able to do to change it, or even if it ever could have been changed.

Bad things were inevitable. Death was inevitable. But maybe the reverse was true: that good things were equally inevitable. And maybe sometimes inevitability liked to take a back seat to second chances. Though I knew it couldn't last forever, I decided it was about time I let myself be happy. I was alive. Jennie's alive. My best friend's alive, Appa's alive and dating a woman who was well on her way to becoming his fiancée. And although it taken me a while to warm up to BoA, I knew now that if Mom had been able to meet her, she'll approved. And for the time being, at least... all of that was good enough for me.