The birth - ACOSF Feysand POV

A feared blessing

Feyre

The months of my pregnancy had been rather hectic. There was a lot of back and forth between courts, Nesta's powers and of course, the danger of my pregnancy. Though everyone was busy taking care of business, I was never once forgotten.

During that time, Azriel never came home empty handed. The gifts varied from a box of chocolate to a box of pastries from Rita's to satisfy my cravings, but the way he gave them to me was always the same. Quietly, our faithful spy handed me whatever surprise he bought for me. I'd see a look of uncertainty shadow his face, wondering if he had made the right decision.

Opening the box, I'd take a look and say, "Thank you, Az. Just what I was craving."

Without fail, there would be a glint of relief in those tortured eyes of his. I had come to expect this little routine of ours. I'd find myself looking at the time, wondering when he'd be back and what he'd bring.

It always made me smile, the way he worried about my reaction. He could have brought me rocks and I would have been happy. Even after all this time by Rhysand's side, the master of gift giving himself, I wasn't used to receiving any.  Back when I was human, we barely had money to eat, let alone buy gifts. During our more fortunate times, our mother never doted on me. I don't remember receiving anything that I cherished unconditionally. Not a dress, not a doll, not even a blanket.

If Azriel was close enough, I'd kiss his cheek in appreciation which always brought a shade of pink to his cheeks. Bowing his head in response, the spymaster would go off to find Rhys and together they would discuss whatever information he'd come by.

Seeing Azriel bring me gifts only fueled my mate to do more. I'd wake up with flowers by my bedside and new painting brushes in my studio. One day, there was a whole new row of dresses and boxes of jewelry in my closet.

Where am I even going to wear these?  When am I going to wear these?

That night, he found me sitting on the floor. The clothes were all laid on our bed, shoes and jewels spread next to me. I hugged my knees to my chest while the tears poured out of me.

I sensed panic through the bond when he saw me. In an instant, he was kneeled down beside me. He cupped my face in his hands and examined me for any signs of an injury. When he realised I was physically alright, his strong arms wrapped about me. My mate pulled me onto his lap and let me drench his shirt with my tears.

"Feyre, what's wrong?", He hushed me, his hand stroking through my hair. "Do you not like them? Do they not fit?"

If only that was my only problem.

Through my sobs, I said, "I don't have time to wear them all."

The clothes weren't the issue. It was what they represented. It only reminded me that I was on borrowed time. His body clenched against mine. There was silence besides the sound of my sniffling. Rhysand took a deep breath, shielding me. He was searching for words, searching for comfort, but he knew he couldn't offer any.

"You will. You'll have all the time in the world.", He finally whispered in my ear. Rhysand distracted me the remainder of the night, kissing me until I slept.

He stopped buying me clothes, but the gifts kept coming. He focused on things I could enjoy in the moment. The whole house was filled with flowers of shades of pink, purple and orange. Even Elain had had enough. He planned special dinners, took me for walks in the town, showed me places in Velaris I had never seen yet.

Cassian had taken a more physical response to it all. As soon as he convinced Rhysand to lower the shield surrounding me, he would pick me up. He claimed it was to see how much heavier I had gotten.

"Any heavier and my arms might fall off!", He said, which granted him a swift slap across the face and a warning from Rhys.

"You say that each time and yet, here you are, arms completely intact.", I protested.

"If you drop her I will happily rip your arms off myself.", The High lord snarled.

"Stop being such a grump." Cassian said as he gently put me back down. The shield immediately went back up and the sudden pulse of magic pushed Cassian aside. "I think you're skipping from father to grandfather." He teased, poking my mate who only swatted his hand away with an annoyed look.

"You think I would have the audacity to drop my pregnant High Lady?", The great general went on.

"Do you even know what audacity means?"

The banter would go on for cauldron knows how long and I would find ways to preoccupy myself. Generally, I read about different artists or different painting techniques. Laying down, I'd rest one hand on my now grown belly, praying silently in my head.

Even Amren made sure to have time for me in between her busy days with Varian. I always knew whether or not she had an argument with the prince, because on those specific days, she never failed to remind me of my foolish bargain with Rhysand.

"I'm going to cut that bond myself one day." She muttered under her breath while bringing me tea. She was slowly adapting to her new fae body. She complained less about having to eat and every day she discovered new meals she enjoyed.

"Yes. Yes. I know.", I said quietly, the warmth of the tea spreading through me. Giving me an exasperated look, Amren sighed.

"But that wouldn't change you and the babe's outcome, now would it?"

That realisation always seemed to calm her temperamental mood. Her features softened and instead, she changed the topic and told me about how annoying her Summer court lover was being. Their little querelles always managed to make me laugh and for a brief moment, I believed we were just two friends gossiping about love without death looming over one of us.

More than anything, my family tried to act normal, but there were moments they didn't realise I was looking. They watched me like I was this fleeting thing, as if the smallest gust of wind would blow me away.

Maybe I was.

Maybe I would shatter.

Dawn turned to dusk, days went by and months disappeared.

Too quickly.

Every day, Rhysand grew more and more overbearing.

"Rhys! You're suffocating me!"

I snapped at him a week ago. It wasn't my proudest moment, but it didn't help that my ankles were swollen, that my back hurt and that I had sleepless nights. I saw instant hurt in his violet eyes while mine filled with regret.

Through the bond, I knew what he was thinking. He was terrified of doing what Tamlin had done to me.

"Never, Rhysand. Never." I whispered, reaching for his hands.

I apologized. He only kissed my head and carried me to bed where he massaged my feet.

I didn't blame him for the way he was acting. Whatever primal instincts he had, had taken over. Not only was he protecting his pregnant mate, but he also lived with the fear of what the birth would do.

What should have been a joyous and exciting occasion, had turned into a stressful period. Females generally celebrated the growth of their stomach and the growth of the babe inside their womb. To us, it was only a reminder that time was running out. It was our personal hourglass. Every month, every day, every second brought on the doom of the inevitable.

There were nights where I waited for my mate to fall asleep first. His head tucked against the pillow, his wings covering the both of us. I'd listen for that familiar steady breath he had when he dreamt. Only then would I let myself cry.