Some Other Way ( Macy/Xavier ff)

Ch 3 - Mating Bonds (Grace)

"Graaaaceee." Macy whines as she plops down on the chair in front of me, eyes wide and imploring. Sometimes, I wonder why my cousin has to be so cute -- and convincing.

"What now, Mace ?" I sigh, pressing my nose further into the book - Mystery of Dragon -Wings - I'm holding, indicating that I really, really need to study.

Macy gets the clue. I see the spark of guilt in her eyes before it fades out, leaving nothing but plea. I laugh. "No. I'm not practicing chess with you."

"But Hudson will tease me the whole week if I lose another game !" My chest tightens painfully at his name. Hudson. My friend - who's somehow managed to be my mate.

I don't know why life hates me so much. Why it just has to snatch away everything I love from me, so quietly, and so, so painfully. First, my parents, whose death could be blamed at me and only me. Then, Jaxon - the boy who was my mate, whom I love with everything within me....or what's left of me anyway. And now, slowly but steadily, Hudson - my friend, my current mate, the boy who saved my life.

I don't know about myself, but Hudson definitely doesn't deserve whatever the life's been throwing at him. Parents who don't care a shit about him. A brother - his only tether to humanity, ripped away from him cruelly. Powers, that do nothing but make him more of a target. A mate - who's in love with his brother.

Even my pain feels nothing compared to all he'd to go through.

Deep down, somewhere within me, I know. I know that I'm doing nothing but causing him more and more pain. I can see it in his eyes, which shine brighter and brighter with regret and self hatred every time he's near me. I can hear it in his voice, how each time, he has to swallow down the words to stop himself from saying anything that fuels my agony. I can feel the way he resists the urge to share his thoughts - a personal thought, a piece of his brain, a small inside joke, an old reference - with me, the way the air crackles with his buried energy.

I hate myself for it, hate that I'm the reason behind all his suffering - and Jaxon's. But I can't do anything about it. Not when everytime I'm around him, the mating bond sparkles back to life, a constant reminder of what I've lost. Not when every time I look at him, Jaxon's tear filled black eyes stare back at me, the memories burning at the back of my throat like acid.

I know, maybe I'm not trying hard enough. Maybe if I force myself to push the pain back, to smile, maybe everything will be okay. Maybe it will be a start - a step on the road of recovery. But I'm tired - I'm tired and drained and too empty and stressed to be thinking of anything else. New gargoyle powers, an unwanted place on the Circle, and a rogue mating bond is enough, thank you very much.

Macy notices the change in my mood, and uncertainty lines her face, lips curving down in a small frown. But she avoids the topic - I'm grateful she does what I asked her to. "C'mon ! It's not a joke." She stands up and stomps a foot on the ground.

I smirk, pressing my lips together, resisting the urge to laugh. "Why don't you go and play with Xavier ? Since you spend most of the hours with him nowadays, anyway ?''

Macy's face turns into a pretty shade of red, embarrassment colouring her features. "Xavier's resting. I'm pretty sure he's tired of me at this point."

My face softens into a smile. It's Macy, and only Macy, who always knows just what to say to take my mind off things. She isn't pushy like Hudson, or intimidatingly quiet like Jaxon, she's just herself. And I couldn't be any happier for that.

Not for the first time, I wonder just how badly Xavier's death would have affected her. It almost broke her that day - I remember - seeing his bruised and battered body, his crushed skull, the lines of pain etched on his face. I don't blame her, it had shocked as well, to see Xavier like that. I don't know if I would have been able to ever live with myself if Xavier had died that day. If only it hadn't been for the Unkillable Beast and his healing powers, we would have lost him that day, and it would have been a fall I could never overcome.

"Xavier couldn't ever be tired of you, Mace. Instead, he told me your presence calms him down, reminds me of the brightness in life, helps him heal.'' I don't think I'm supposed to tell her that, but I do. And it fucking pays when I see her face light up like a christmas tree, happiness dancing in her eyes like an untameable flame.

"Really ?"

I chuckle. "Really."

And that's when it hits me like a truck. Macy's in love with Xavier. Deeper and wider and stronger than I ever could have imagined.

I just hope hers - unlike mine - doesn't end up destroying her heart into an unusable piece of waste. 

AUTHOR'S NOTE :

Sorry for the delay in posting. I had been really busy the whole week.

Please excuse any mistakes. This is not edited and English is not my first language.

Feedback is always appreciated !