The Flower I Saw That Day

Ascian

I)

For Namjoon, life as long as he's known and got to live ,was a spiral of accelerating to survive . Mankind's trivial matters revolved around such a vulgar idea simple as that . Yet his mind wouldn't let him live off of a simple concept like this. survival is the primal instinct of he who lives in a gray world ruled by the law of the jungle . For the most part, His logical sense of self had them all acknowledged in the first place . He knew that there was no such thing as following your dreams or becoming disobedient member of your society . Not when you're a short legged "baepase" at least . He did realize the humourous fact that he had to listen to his mother and father and the teachers , who had been rumbling on and about how he could easily grasp the golden scholarship of a top business college and become an ordinarily amazing business man .
Of course he knew it all . He knew it when he dared to fall for the temptation of having a dream of his own . knew that even the exact moment he faced the smashed computer in his room . Tasted the logical sense of it the day his parents grounded him . acknowledged the impossibility of running away from it the day he hopped on a shabby bus and drove all the way from to the suffocating dorm . Had it pointing its Bonny fingers at him right in front of the uppermans sitting in front of him at the audition .
He understood it too well . He knew it all .
But funny enough, here he was , listening to their manager talking thoroughly about how they're going bankrupt because of the Company's scandalous girl group messing up and if any trainee, by any means has something better to do with his life or a better entertainment company to Waste their youth at , they're free to leave .
Yet why, he wondered, he couldn't just leave this clownery of a company and admit his defeat and redraw back to the typical plan A designated for smart ass people like him ? Why couldn't he just accept a simple concept like "rapping ain't breadwinning for you my son." ? Was he too egotistic ? Too whimsical ? Was he too ambitious that couldn't simply get to throw his hands up and go with the flow and live a miserably comfortable life like his friends even though he amounted to nothing?
He had to . It is how it should have been since the beginning . His dream was withering before getting a chance to Bloom right in front of his eyes .
" Kim Namjoon . "
He flies free of his everlasting bubble of thoughts for a brief moment, daring to shift his gaze up at their frustrated manager .
" Yes ? "
The man in the suit lets out a heavy sigh, before shoving his contract , the piece of paper he abondened all he's known for right in his face .
" Here . You already know there's no payment for trainees so ..."
Namjoon knows this is the ending point . The dead end he had to face sooner or later , but what is it that his heart demands at such an ungodly moment ?
" Sir I ..."
Namjoon knows it's the best for him to shut up and suck it up and just give up right there and get out of this shit hole and gets lost for his whole life , probably either end up as a bum in the streets of Hongdae or sit behind the suffocating desk of another one of those gigantic companies as long as he gets to live and it Hopefully wouldn't be much .
But Kim Namjoon is an idiot .
And Kim Namjoon gives him the paper back .
"Kim Namjoon-ssi?"
The man looks hesitant and confused , probably because no idiot in his right mind would stick to a sinking ship the way he is . And Namjoon knows . And as far as he's concerned, he's pretty much sure he's not high on drugs, caffeine or hopes and is more or less the analytical piece of work he is .
But still he doesn't back off .
" I'm really sorry sir , but I don't intend on leaving the company and break the contract ."
The look on the manager's face is one of a kind .
" Y-you don't?"
He stutters , looking at the sheet on his table like an unbelievable miracle.
" You do realize that we're on the verge of going bankrupt and won't be able to promise you any certain future in this industry? You're still young and fresh and talented ."
Ah yes . Talented. That's what they called his Rauchranda persona back at the heart of the undergrounds of Seoul . What made this Small company notice his presence and convince him into becoming an idol rapper , instead of living in the shadows of the underground forever.
He wonders that if he was less ambitious, then maybe he could be content with living like that . Living as a ghost Who occasionally disses people back and raps and shits just because it's what he's good at.
" I understand. But I grew quite fond of this place and I have a dream of my own . as you said I'm still young and fresh and you need a group to successfully make it to debute . Isn't that right?"
The Manager sighs, nodding his head back and forth in defeat.
" If that's your choice then ... let's try and see if things will sort out for your debute then . Good luck ."
Namjoon lets out the breath he didn't know was holding out , in relief maybe, looking back at PDnim's amused expressions.
Namjoon chose to be a total idiot that very day.
An idiot who would at least, live without lingering regrets of any sorts .