i usually dont have nightmares
not the ones about barely hanging bridges your bare feet have to cross
not the one about the darkness haunting you
but now i came to the realisation im staying up,
writing pathetic poems
just as an excuse to not sleep
im scared of sleeping
insomnia is different but i cant close my eyes and expect to not see the worst thing
i can possibly imagine
maybe its hurting or losing or killing whatever it is i cannot escape it.
i cannot help it.
i cannot switch the lightbulb off to at least not have the light to see the nightmare and just linger in the darkness together
i have no idea whats worse anymore
not when i watch their stone cold eyes forcing me and feeling the blood drip on my bruised and numbing knees
may as well not sleep
